Friday, April 20, 2012

Day 56

Well, sis and I got Pop to the doctors and he really isn't doing that well.  Tomorrow I need to take him to the hospital for a series of blood work and tests.  Hopefully maybe something may show and then we can try to correct those problems.  The doctor feels that his dementia is getting worse.  My sister is suppose to call the psychologist and make an appointment.  Seems that the doctor feels it may help a bit.  I can only pray.

As for last night, well that was a bummer too.  I thought I was doing pretty well, but the scale didn't show it for sure.  I gained 1 pound.  The one pound that I wanted so bad that I could reach my total of fifty.  Well that certainly didn't happen.  For a split moment, I actually felt...what the hell.....I should go home and get that half a gallon of ice cream and so what....screw the world and me.  But then I thought I have come this far that I am not going to blow it.  Even though I thought it again.  I keep reminding myself that I am much stronger than that.  Also too, I really need to get in my head about exercising.  I absolutely hate it.  And most of all I really use my knee as a big...big excuse.  I really need to overcome that.  This really should be my main concentration or focus.  I know exercise is a big factor in trying to lose weight and become more healthy.  Why am I making so many excuses?  I really need to push through this.  Maybe I will talk to hubby about this.  He really isn't a great support but maybe talking with him will make him realize of how badly I want this and he may push me more.  I don't know, but I need to try. 

As of right now in I am at work, well I really don't feel like it at all.  It is really a strain to concentrate on my work.  I just want so badly to be out of here.  I would just love to be at Lowe's getting some gardening stuff and then go home and spruce it all up.  All I can say is the clock is NOT moving fast enough for me.

Well, I have my mail to go through and I need to try harder.

Until later.............

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