Friday, April 6, 2012

Day 42

Well finally it is Friday.  Actually this week went by pretty quick.  As I also feel that is how the weekend will go to.  Auditors came yesterday and it was a good day.  I feel today they are going to really have many questions and will be interrupting me a lot more.  Oh well this is how it goes. 
I kept thinking about my dad and how he just makes things so difficult not only for himself but for all of us.  I just don't what or how to get through him.  He is just so stubborn and yes, ignorant.  I understand he is old, I understand that he has dementia but he has ALWAYS be like this.  Just full of hatred and just down right mean to many people.  And with Easter coming, we usually have Easter dinner together.  Right now I really don't want to have dinner with him.  Part of me wants to tell him "just go over my sister house for dinner".  But that will never happen.  My feelings for him are bitter and I don't like having these types of feeling for him.  He is my father and I do love him but right now I don't like him.  This has been bothering me all day yesterday.  And with that feeling I turned to food.  I was way over on my calories and part of me just didn't care.  Even when I logged my food and saw the number just climb right off the charts, I actually thought, eh I got tomorrow.  I don't want to feel that way, it is like almost giving up or not giving a sh*t.  Today I need to focus more on me not people or things around me.  I need to remind myself of that more and more.  I need to just accept what has happened just happened and it is over with.  Later on today I need to call Pop and confirm with him about Easter. 

I just need to move on and move forward.

Until later.............

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