Monday, September 24, 2012

Day 213 Afraid to move

Another weekend gone.   Another day passes.  And with all this time, well I am still not moving the way I should be.  Why?  I wonder that myself many times.  Am I afraid? Am I that lazy?  Is it because I don’t want to be in pain?  Will this leg every get better?  I just don’t know the answer. 
I just finished reading this woman’s blog and O M G, I felt as if she was speaking to me directly.  I am beginning to believe that God has put me on her path.  To read and even feel her emotions, feelings, spirit of all she has been through.  But no matter what she continues to push through it all.  My goodness such strength she has.  Where does it come from?  I too want that strength, the motivation.  Honestly the ladies from TOPS state that I have it but there are many times I don’t feel it.  The ladies stated that they love the energy I give them but again I don’t feel it.  Am I faking it?  I still wonder.
Saturday my kids had a barbeque at their house.  As I was leaving my house, my neighbor peeked out her window to say HI and then stated how good I looked.  Don’t get me wrong it was great to hear this, all the work that I am doing but for some odd reason, I just felt she was being nice.  Like I didn’t believe it.  While at the kids house, a friend of theirs, nice kid (I really shouldn’t be saying kid, they are all around the age of 24) but anyhow, the young man stated how good I was looking, that he could see that I had lost a lot of weight.  Again it felt good hearing it but again I felt it wasn’t good enough.  I have so far to go and thinking will I ever get there.  Can I do this?  Am I looking too far ahead?   I sometimes feel I should just quit now.  I probably just need to stay in the present but can’t seem to shake this feeling that I haven’t done enough.  But then reading her blog, well it really touched me.  I just need to keep going.  Just do it.  I need to move more, perhaps that will help my head, feelings, emotions. 
As she put it, I need to just walk to the mailbox and back.
Until later…………………

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Day 208 So much l need to do, now to just DO IT

It is just funny how the time just flies by.  This past week sure did.  Well the engagement party that my daughter gave at my house was a huge success.  Her brother and his fiancĂ©e were very happy.  Her menu was superb.  She worked very hard at it.  I am grateful that the weather was absolutely beautiful.  The back patio was certainly crowded.  It seems that everyone had a good time.  Now for this Saturday, her and her fiancĂ© are having a barbeque at their house, such the party givers.
Today I am a bit bummed out, seems that our girls weekend away is going to be cancelled.  I was looking so forward to spending time with my best and dear girlfriends for the weekend.  But if anything this year my hubby is supposed to take me away overnight, so at least I have something to look forward to.
I can’t believe how quickly the days are going by.  It is like wow September is more than half over.  The colder months are approaching fast.
Last Thursday at TOPS I proposed to the ladies of trying to do 1200 calorie per day for one week.  I followed this man’s blog and that is what he is doing with a bunch of other people.  He is so right about eating less and doing more.  It is the simplest but yet very hard to do.  I have done it before but staying committed is the hard part.  At first I thought it would be hard but picking out the right foods, which I may add is very healthy for you, is the right road and yes it is NOT hard to do.  But with all these temptations around and processed food around and being lazy all comes into play here.  I am hoping that with the cooler weather and the parties all calming down, well I am hoping I can get myself into gear of what NEEDS to be done.
Also too I was hoping that my leg would be in better shape or at least not hurting as much by now since it has been close to six weeks since my last injection.  I will admit it has improved some but I was hoping for a lot more.   I was speaking to my neighbor last week and she even said, just walk to the mailbox, which is right around the corner of where I live.  And you know what she is right.  I even read about this other woman’s blog of how she just started out by just moving for 30 seconds a day.  I just need to do it.  I need to just get moving. 
Also too I am concerned about my dad.  I went to see him yesterday and all he did was just sit in his wheelchair and stare and then close his eyes.  He did tell me he was very tired and didn’t feel too well.  Sometimes I think he gets depressed because he was the type of man to be constantly on the go.  And now he is just about all the time in his room at the nursing home.  I need to think of something for him, something that he would like and get him out of there, even if it is for just an hour or two.   Maybe I might plan a picnic.  The grounds of where the nursing home is very nice and I feel being outdoors should do him some good.  I think I will check it out with my sister.
Well, I just finished with my breakfast and need to start with my work.   We been having some serious storms here, I hope that they are over with and look forward to seeing some sunshine again.
Until later………………

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Day 200 Why am I allowing other people get into my head

Wow I can’t believe that I have had this blog for 200 days.  I know it is probably not a long time especially compared to others but….I am surprised that I kept up with it.  Anyway…
Last Thursday at TOPS my weight stayed the same.  Believe me I am thankful but I know what I had done and it wasn’t the right doings so to speak.  I really can’t explain it but my weekends are my weakest points.  Why do I cave in?  Why do I allow myself to overeat?  I really need to wrap my head more into myself. 
Also too I am allowing things that people are telling me bother me more than they need to.  I feel sometimes that whatever someone should tell me, well I am taking it so much to heart that I begin to wonder why they said something to me.  I really much rather not know anything. 
I know the above paragraph probably doesn’t make any sense, but I have no other way to explain it.
Like even this one woman from TOPS, she is an older woman, retired and trys very hard to keep busy.  Well sometimes I feel she just wants to be leader, which she has reminded me several times already that she was many years ago. She complains to me, gives her opinion of how things should be run; now she is giving me her ideas of how we should play games at the meetings.  I’m trying very hard to be kind and considerate but also trying to get my point across that these meetings are for the people who need/want a place to express their feelings, reach out for help and support.  Trying to tell her that these meetings are not like a classroom (she reminds every opportunity that she was a teacher for a very long period of time). I tell her that we are adults, here for encouragement, information etc.   I don’t know what she wants from me.  Honestly, she is getting on my nerves and if she should keep this up, well once my term is up, I will give it up.  I really don’t need this kind of aggravation.  I have plenty of other things that need my attention and such.  I don’t have the time to do all that I wish.  I did write an email explaining my feelings and opinions of have I feel the meeting should be run; also I try to be compassionate to her feelings.  I guess I will see if she should write back.
Well last night I went shopping with my daughter to get majority of the items needed for the engagement party that she is throwing at my house for her brother and future sister-in-law.  All I can say is that she is in complete control with this all.  She did show me the menu and it looks pretty simple but nice.  The only thing that I am concerned about is rain.  My house is really not that big and I was hoping that many people would be outside in the patio area where there is plenty of space and such.  But again I can’t control the weather, so we shall see.
Again I am trying to stay within the 1200 calorie range per day.  During the week I am drinking over 64 close to 100 ounces of fluid.  Let’s see what Thursday brings for me.
Almost quitting time, after work today I need to head up to Target and get some extra large bins, I primary use these to hold soda and beer.  I really don’t have extra large coolers.  This works just as well.
Well need to run to the ladies room and then shut things down here at my desk.
Still working 4 days a week.  I love having the 3 day weekend.  I will hate when it ends.
Until later…………..