Saturday, January 18, 2014


Time….it just constantly moves.  It makes me think of what exactly I am doing with myself.  I have read many of your posts and it seems that many of you are all doing things.  Not just doing out of the ordinary things but just doing things.  I guess mainly is that others are taking care of themselves.  How do you stay on track for yourself?  Me?  Well I am just existing.  I think that sums it just right.  I get up and get ready and go to work.  Come home and do what must be done.  Make dinner for hubby, then clean up and return to do the same cycle again.  I guess you could call it ho hum.  As for my eating, well, I am trying to stay on course but in the evening I fall.  Since the wedding I have gained 12 pounds and I can feel it.  Yes I am mad with myself, so what am I doing?  I am back to posting my food but not consistent.  I know what needs to be done but I sort of have the attitude I don’t want to. 

One thing that is on my mind is my father.  He lives in a nursing home and he is a difficult man.  He is one not to get into activities that they have going on there.  He is not an easy person to talk to, he has his opinions but pushing them on others.  He likes to start arguments; he likes to fight with others.  Plus he thinks that everyone around him should cater to his needs at all times.  It was kind of rough growing up with him.  Thank goodness Mom was there to intervene at times.  The only thing is that my mom always waited on him on hand and foot.  Especially when it came to meals.  My mom constantly cooked.  Plus she was a fantastic cook.  I am grateful that my mom taught my sister and I many of her german dishes.  She was born in Germany and when my dad was sent over during World War II is when he met her.  They married and then she had to come back with my dad when he was ordered to return to the United States.  Anyhow, my mom was taught that the women always serve their husbands.  OK I getting off track here, well when I go see my father he constantly complains and orders me to cook certain meals for him.  Every time I visit he strictly tells me do this for him and do that for him.  Now when my sister visits, he doesn’t tell her.  I even said to him, why don’t you tell her to cook and he tells me, nah she doesn’t like to cook no more, so I don’t.  I really think is that I wonder why my sister doesn’t get more involved with him, why is it always me.  She tells me it is hard to visit, since it is a distance, plus she doesn’t have a lot of time.  She is busy with many things.  I guess everyone else thinks that I don’t.  Maybe they are right, I don’t know.  This weighs on me quite a bit.

Anyhow I am trying to get myself out of this funky mood.
I need to push myself further for myself.  I need time for just me.

What I want and what I need……time.

Until later…………

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Getting back to normal

Trying to read everyone’s post but a bit hard right now.

Work is quite demanding right now and by the time I get home, well, I am tired.  

If anything, now that the holidays are over, everything is put away and all is back to normal, well I am finally back on track.   The holidays have done me in plus with worrying with many issues.  I know, these are just excuses but …..they are excuses.

Now I am just trying to look forward.  Tomorrow is weigh in at TOPS.  

Also I caved in and bought a scale.  Something that I haven’t had in a long time.  So many people have told me to not weigh in everyday but I have decided to do it again.

I felt better knowing how I was doing day to day.  Some people have told me that I was obsessed but I don’t think so.  Anyhow this is what I want to do and I am doing it.

Tis time to head to bed.

Until later…………….

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Year - New Start

Happy New Year to everyone, wow 2014, as everyone has said where has the time gone?

As for me, the holidays were ok.  Unfortunately we had some family issues, they seemed to be resolved but some of the hurt is still there.  Time is still needed I think to heal some of the wounds.

But looking forward, praying and hoping that this will be a good year for us.  If anything, we have started planning the next wedding, which will be in June.  I think I have found a dress, now to shop around to see which store has it, so I could see it in real life.  Truthfully I really need to get moving with this, seems that this manufacturer takes almost three months to get the dress in.

One good thing that I can tell is that my test from my biopsy came in and it is benign.  Plus the test also showed no signs of pre-cancer.  The only thing now that the doctors what me to further investigate is that they are saying that my uterus has dropped.  I just need to see what the next step is.  I am really hoping that this year will be less of doctors.

As for my weight, well that has certainly got pushed to the sidelines.  But I am trying my up most best to get back on track.  I am even trying to find a word for myself for this year to hang onto, strive for, whatever you would want to call it.  I am thinking of ENDURE.  I like this word.  I really like the meaning of it, tolerate, survive, keep on, and persist.  I think that is going to be my 2014 word for me.  ENDURE

I actually went to Kohl’s on Monday and bought a scale.  I haven’t had a scale for quite some time; I only weighed in at TOPS on Thursdays.  I got rid of the scale because I seemed obsessed. I would practically weigh myself everyday, many have told me that it wasn’t a good thing to do but I think it really helped me.  So I am going back to it.   I know that your weight can fluctuate from day to day and with many reasons too.  But I can deal with it.

Well, my Christmas vacation is over, I have been home since Christmas Eve and honestly I want it to be over.  I am ready to move on.  The new year is bringing many obstacles but I think I am ready to achieve them in all ways.

I pray that everyone will have a wonderful year.

Until later……………