Monday, May 28, 2012

Day 94

Well seems that I am winding down my four day weekend.  Really didn't do too much over these days.  Friday was just some cleaning and seeing Pop oh and spent some time with a dear friend as she watched her granddaughter.  As for Saturday, yeah some more cleaning and did some prep work for Sunday.  Sunday got up early and went to church, then cam home and prepare all types of foods, because all the kids came over.  Between hubby and the boys, they did the grilling. I tried very hard to make as much as possible healthy food.  So we had the usual, hamburgers (but I made them with half ground meat and half ground turkey.  I had my burger on a Arnold thin as a regular bun.  Also made a pasta salad, which had Italian dressing instead of mayo.  Made chicken kabobs, with of course chicken, peppers, onions and mushrooms.  Then in the grilling basket, we had asparagus and potatoes.  Oh and I made Parmesan cheese grilled tomatoes.  Then for desert I made a lemon and blueberry cake and also had a fruit salad with a low fat fruit dressing.  Seems that everyone enjoyed the meal.

So with today, hubby and I have plenty of leftovers, I have the tendency to always have too much.  Also I am slightly waiting for the shade to come over on the side of the house so I can thoroughly clean my car, especially the inside.  I would love it to be clean, especially for next week, because my son is taking me out to the outlets out in Limerick.  He has be doing this for several years as my mother's day gift.  He takes me out for breakfast, then slowly we go shopping, holding all my bags and we just enjoy the day together, just him and I.  I am so thankful that we have a great relationship and we are very open with one another.

So with looking at this entry, I thought I would reflect back to day one.  I can't believe it is almost 100 days that I have been blogging.  This is one of the reasons that I count what day it is when I blog.  Also too I am not creative to have catchy titles of what my post is about.  I am even surprised that I even blog.  I am not a writer, I am not usually the type to just write what is going on or how I am feeling.  I was never one of those girls who would write in a diary or nothing.  It took a very long long time to even just record of what I ate.  Anyhow, looking for my weight I am down 14 pounds.  Now looking at the day, well I am not really that pleased.  I started with blogging on Feb 16th.  That is over 3 months....hmmm   I counted it is 13 weeks which comes down to one pound a week.  Oh and as for last week at TOPS, I am not proud at all, I gained 3.5 pounds.  I know what I did and truthfully I deserved it.  I really need to get my head back into the game.  That is one of the reasons that I really tried hard to make yesterdays barbecue a healthy one.  One thing that is bothering me lately is my leg.  I really don't know why it is hurting more than the usual.  I guess I really need to go back the the orthopedic doctor.  A good part of me is not wanting to go back is because I need to go through this procedure which entails of getting these huge needles of medication.  I guess you could say that I am the number one chicken.  Yes I am scared.  Also too I really want to find out about this facility, a gym, but actually what I am really interested is the pool that they have.  I want and need to find out if they have water aerobics, especially at night after work.  All the doctors say that is the best exercise that I could get, all because of my knee.  I really want to get more of this lousy weight off of me.  I hate and hardly ever look in the mirror because it is just down right ugly.  I try so hard to never look in the windows as I walk by.  I just hate seeing anything of me.  Right now I feel I will never like myself.  It is just a horrible site to see. 
OK time to stop because I can actually make myself sick. 
Well trying to be a bit more positive is that I am down some......I do feel good that I am no longer over 300 pounds.  And I am trying to stay on track and I have set a goal to be close to 250 by the end of the summer. 

Well so the shade will be on my side and I can start cleaning my car.

Hope all are having a great holiday.  Wish the humidity come down some.  Then again sweating is a good thing even though I don't like it.....haha

Until later.........................

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Day 88

Not that I am doing much but the time sure does keep ticking away.  Yesterday and today are/were lousy days weather wise.  But that is OK because I just love love my weekends, and having nice weather tops it off even better, even though I really don't do much, meaning go out and do stuff.  Sunday was such a wonderful day.  Kids, meaning daughter and future son-in-law came up and took me out for mothers day.  I know I know one week later but something came up suddenly with son-in-law's father and I really didn't see them much on Mother's day.  Anyhow, they took me out for brunch at this local restaurant near me.  It was fabulous.  And of course I ate way too much, but then I got thinking, ya know life is too short, so I overdid at one meal, doesn't mean that I will continue that way.  I think that before I would just say the heck with it but now I get right back on the saddle.  Actually afterwards (from the gorge brunch) I realize that I don't like the really full feeling at all.  Also too I realize I could have eaten much more, but now when I am feeling really full I am stopping instead of gorging myself until I feel totally uncomfortable.  Yes I probably could have stop even before that but I also feel that I am stopping at a earlier point then I used to, (if that makes any sense).  Anyhow afterwards we did a little bit of shopping then headed back home.  Daughter wasn't feel the best (allergies) plus she took some medication which made her drowsy so she took a nap.  Meanwhile, son-in-law and I had a great time just chatting away and doing little bits in the backyard with his assistance.  Before we knew it hubby was home from work.  All four of us just relaxed out in the back patio, just talking, laughing, etc.  It was a lovely visit with them.  Before you know it, it was after 9 pm and they headed home.  I am hoping that this weekend, hopefully Sunday, hubby and I will barbecue and all the kids will be over.  I just love when the family is together, the one thing that makes me so so happy.

Yesterday as I was driving home from work I was thinking about this week's meeting coming up, was thinking what should I talk about.  Well, these ladies have stated more than once about how they are so happy about me being their leader and how I motivate them.  Then I started thinking, they know what to do, they know what is good for them, they know about portion control, they know that it is necessary to exercise or at least try to move around more.  I can give them so many handouts and information but it is the same information.  So I thought about it and I am going to give them information to stay MOTIVATED.  I am going to try to charge them up and challenge them or better yet dare them to stay that way.  I can only give so much, they need to get some motivation on their own.  I will try to be there for them but they need to take that first step.  And this is what I am going to tell them.  I certainly hope it helps and hope that it puts a little fire in their bellies.  For some reason I feel really charged inside of me.....hope it stays there because I need it myself.

Well I am going to head to see Pop tonight.  I pray that I see a bit more of improvement with him.

Looking forward to the weekend, especially since I will be off for four days....WOOHOO.

Well need to start with my reports...

Until later............

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Day 85

Good morning Saturday,

I am enjoying my Fridays off, just gives a boost of a feeling for the weekend.  Unfortunately yesterday I really didn't get too much stuff done.  For whatever reason, my leg was kicking with aches and pain.  I even winded up taking some Aleve, for the most part I try my best to avoid taking them.  But so far I am feeling much better.  Once done with this post I am headed outside to do some cleaning up the back patio and desperately wanting to clean out my car.

As for our TOPS meeting, well we were unable to get into the church parish hall, we thought for sure that we could at least get weighed in even though it was Ascension Thursday but unfortunately the rectory was closed and we were unable to obtain the key.  So we chit chat outside for a bit and then everyone left to go home.  So I do not know if I gained or lost.  I just need to stay focused unto next week.  Yesterday hubby and I had a simple but delicious dinner.  I got this cage basket thingy for the grill and I chopped some veggies in large pieces.  I chopped some red and orange peppers, zucchini, asparagus and one baking potato.  With it we had some homemade cheese burgers on Arnold thins bread.  YUM YUM it was.

After dinner I went to see Pop and he seems to be improving a bit each time I see him, which I am so happy and grateful for.

So with all of that I am thankful to God that life is getting better, especially my nerves.

Well time to start with the cleaning.

Until later...............

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day 82

Wowzee it is Wednesday, hump day.  I feel pretty good. 

Oh, one thing that I forgot to mention is that last week at TOPS, I lost 4.75 pounds......I have finally made it to 50 pounds lost, actually it is 53 pounds.  I am hoping that I stayed the same or possibly lose a bit more.  Reason being because of the past weekend.  I know I went overboard with eating.  But this is a first for me that on Monday I got right back on track.  Oh and also with my weekend I have now connected with my dear friend's daughter.  She is morbidly obese and we had a wonderful talk, so I have agreed to help her as she would help me.  We were able to relate so much between us because of her being so young.  I have NEVER been thin, average weight or whatever you may describe it.  Actually the weight that I am now is the weight when I got pregnant with my son, who will be 29 years old this coming September.  Once I get down another good 30 pounds I will then be at the weight I got married, and in my heart I will get there.  Actually, when I do I am going to try my wedding dress on to see how it fits.  That will be awesome to do.

Oh and last night I had a doctor's appointment, it was really a check up to see how my blood pressure is, well it was 120/70 which is much better than it was six weeks ago at 140/90.  The doctor is well pleased as I am too.  Only thing is that he wants me to stay on the medication and I have another six weeks until I see him again.  Oh, and the doc was very happy with my weight.  I truly couldn't remember what my weight was six weeks ago, well I was down another 15 pounds.  I really don't think that was right but whatever.  I told him don't expect another 15 pounds but do expect some more weight will be off.  Also too I got some blood work done.  I mention to him that my sister got a check up and blood work done, and it showed that she is now borderline with diabetes, which is what my dad has.  So he thought it would be good to check it out, I certainly hope that it comes back good.

Oh and my girlfriend, God Bless her, she is just too too sweet, well she called me last night to see how I am doing.  Gosh, I am just so bless with such caring people.  Unfortunately she is not feeling too well, but it was a nice chat.

Also too I went and saw Pop and he really seems that he may be getting a little tiny bit better each day.  I pray that this continues.

So with all that is going on, I can honestly say and feel that things just may be getting a tad better.  I am truly grateful and just feeling good again.

There is a rainbow after the storm.......

Until later..............

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 81

Wow it is Tuesday already....what happened to the weekend?  Well, mine was perfect.  I went to the Delaware beach and it was awesome.  I am so grateful for my dear friend.  We had a lovely long long talk on the way down and the same thing on the way home.  It was just wonderful.  I over did it with food but in my mind that is life.  You need to enjoy things.  While out with dinner I had a fantastic drink.  It was called a Dreamsicle.  It was rum with orange juice with ice and vanilla ice cream.  So smooth it was.  Then my second one was a Strawberry smooth.  Same concept but with strawberries.  Yum...Yum.

On Saturday, her daughter, son-in-law and grandson came down.  Again a great conversation with her daughter.  Then we were off to the beach.  Beautiful day there too, actually there was a wedding going on, just beautiful.

Once home on Sunday, my kids came over and hubby grilled and we ate outside on the patio.  Hubby did buy some desert and yes I did have some.
But on Monday I am right back on the band wagon.  So all is good.

I visited Pop yesterday and he seems he is doing a lot better.  Better meaning is that he is back somewhat to his complaining.  Nothing can please this man.  I came to find out that the doctor ordered a cortisone shot for his knee.  He said that his leg is so so but I can tell he is doing a lot better.  I also noticed that he is getting a little bit more strength back.  I am hoping that maybe in a few weeks he will be getting out of re-hab.

Tonight I have a doctors appointment.  I am going back to see if my blood pressure has improved.  I certainly hope so because I really don't want to be on another medication.  I know I am on my synthroid for life but I don't want to add to that list.  Just keeping my fingers crossed.  Also too I am wondering if I will show a loss from the last time.  I lose very slowly so I don't know but looking back on it would be great to see another five pounds.  Just finished with my lunch so all is good.

Also I am looking forward to the weekend again.  They say that it is suppose to be really good again weather wise.  Hubby happens to be off on Friday and he asked me if I want him to help getting my master bedroom back together again.  It would be great if we do get it done, but I still want to do a little bit more of painting.  I just received thru the mail these really cool plaques to put above my bed since I got already got rid of the headboard.  I think it will look cool. I saw online an idea of where you paint the opposite color as a box then place the wall decor in the box, they referred to it as a shadow box.  So that is what I want to do before the furniture goes back in......we'll see what happens.

Well, lunch is almost over and I need to get back to my reports.

Until later..........

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Day 76

If anything I am grateful that I am feeling somewhat better than yesterday.  I don't know what happened, Tuesday night around 8 pm I felt so tired and so cold, that I told hubby that I was going to bed.  Well once in bed the pains in the stomach started, with a headache and most of all the chills.  I just couldn't get warm.  I think I finally feel asleep after midnight.  Then in the morning started the bathroom issues.  No way was I going to work.  Honestly the only thing that I was thinking about was this coming weekend.  My dear friend has a summer house in Delaware and she is going down this weekend, unfortunately without her husband, he has to work.  So she happened to give me a call to see how I was doing with everything that is going on and then proceeded to ask me to come with her and get away.  The thought of it was divine.  I am just hoping now that I will feel much better by tomorrow.  I was going to stay home again today but thought it would be best to push through and come to work.  The only thing that is really bothering me today is my body.  Feels like I have been beaten up or something.  Everything just aches.  I thought maybe because I was in bed all day but, well I don't know.

Tonight is TOPS and truthfully I just want to go and get weighed and that's it.  I do have some handouts but I know I will keep it brief.  The only consolation of being sick is that you usually lose weigh, certainly not the way I want to do it.

With being sick yesterday, the re-hab called and said that they needed to take Pop back to the hospital, because he sugar was way too low.  I know the nurse didn't like it but I told her that she must call my sister, that I was just too sick to do anything.  You could tell she was giving me a hard time, like saying, are you telling me that you can't call her? you are saying that "I" need to call your sister?....just wait until I see her....  Anyhow the hospital got his sugar leveled and brought him back to re-hab.  Mush later in the afternoon I was talking to my sister, and she asked if his sugars are monitored, why are they dropping so low....nurse responded that Pop is non-compliant, meaning that they give him his insulin shot but when given his food he won't eat.   I just don't know what to do with him.  Part of me feels that he is giving up on life. 

Well I better get started with my work.  I hope the day goes quickly because all I can think of right now is my bed which I so much want to be in.

Until later...........

Monday, May 7, 2012

Day 73

Well, back to Mondays.  Again gloomy day today but if anything, according to the weather forecast it should be nice this weekend.  Sometimes I think I am such a little kid by heart.  Today also starts my four day work week for the summer.....WOOHOO.  Now this is what I "LIKE".  It is a shame that it isn't all the time and for everyone.  After this week too, NO MORE AUDITORS.....double WOOHOO. 

Hubby really like the new recipe was very good, so definitely a keeper.  Now I want to look up some new recipes for the grill.  I really like ka-bobs, so I will start with that.  Also too with my three day weekends, I am hoping to figure out a date, I am in the mood to have a small party.  I think that is what I really need to really boost me out of my funky mood.  Something small and sweet, nothing overboard, just a nice time with lots of laughter with some dear friends.

Just finished my breakfast, oatmeal and now ready to drink my 32 ounces of tea.  Got lots to do, with lots of reports.

Need to get moving.

Until later............

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Day 72

Wow how fast the days go.  As for Thursday, I am so grateful to god, I was quite surprised that I stayed the same, even with all the stress going on and all the ice cream eating, well I can only guess that stress really burns up loads of calories.  I am somewhat back on board.  I was planning yesterday to go shopping for my food, such as fruits and Arnold thins breads and such but didn't go until today. 
Made a cake for hubby which he likes this one.  I got the recipe from pinterest.  I am beginning to like that site, it has many categories to choose from.

So yesterday I just did more cleaning and the usually wash.  So boring......

Today it felt good to get up early, bathed, got dress and went to church.  Afterwards did shopping, came home and packed a few goodies for Pop and went to go see him.  They seem to have finally leveled his sugar but now he is so weak and in pain from his leg.  He does go to therapy but I don't know if he is improving.  Just watching him sit in the wheelchair, just sitting there so limp and hardly moving.  Even his appetite has gone from the usually high to so low.  While I was there he received lunch and didn't even want to eat.  I encourage him and he did eat some.  I can see he is getting depressed more and more each day.  I did talk with his doctor office on Friday and I requested that his primary needs to go and see him.  The re-hab has a doctor but he needs his.  I understand their regulations and such but he needs a more stronger type of med for his pain in his legs.  Right now all that they are giving him is Tylenol.  It hurts so much to see him trying to move.  He is losing strength, that he couldn't even pull himself up more in the chair.  That the nurse and I had to assist him.  So hopefully tomorrow I will call the office to see when the doctor is going to see him.   He was happy that I brought him some flowers.  Pop has always loved flowers.  Years ago he would try anything to grow.  He loved his vegetable garden, especially tomatoes.  I remember it would sometimes drive my mom nuts with all the tomatoes he grew.  Gosh I miss her so much. 

So tomorrow I need to go to Pops apartment and do some wash and get Pop some clean clothes. 
As for the weather, right now it really sucks.  Usually I don't care if it is muggy, cloudy or whatever.  But these past few days, well I don't know maybe the humidity or whatever, is really effecting my leg.  It is so painful, making it really hard to walk.  Usually I can walk it through and deal with it but today I had to take some medication for the pain and aching going up and down my leg.  Usually in the morning when I first wake up it is not that bad but these past days I am in agony.  I certainly hope this passes soon.

Reading someone else's blog about how she went for a nice long walk, well I envy her.  I so much would love that but right now I can only do a block or so and I need to sit down and rub my knee and leg.  If anything I pray that it will ease by next weekend, I don't want to be the reason to hold anyone back.  Even though I know my girlfriend will wait and comfort me, I don't want that.  I will make sure I bring my meds.  I am so looking forward to this.

Well need to clean up a bit in the kitchen and get my clothes ready for work.

Until later.................

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Day 69

I can't believe how quickly the day has gone by.  Yet I will say that I feel good with work, I got loads done.  I also handed in my PTO (paid time off) slip for the summer.  I have decided to do the same thing as last year and take Fridays off for the summer.  I just loved it.  Mainly because of my so call projects with the house.  See, with taking a full week off, I become too too sore with my legs and hip, doing such things as painting, pulling up old rugs, etc.  So what I do is break it all done into sections and do so much on one long weekend, then another the following week.  This way I am able to rest in between and build up my strength again.  So with a little bit more to do, I will officially be done my second floor and will be working my way down to the first floor.  Remember my goal is to be done by October 2013....that is when the wedding is. 

Anyhow that’s it for me as for vacation.  Also too I am hoping on Saturday I will go shopping and get "my" things that I "need" to stay focus.  Such as my 100 calorie popcorn, I need to get plenty of fruit; also too I want to try a new recipe that I have found on pinterest.  My daughter is trying very hard to get me hook onto. 

As for tonight, well I kind of feel heavier, bloated, etc.  Deep inside I really don't want to face the scale but it is necessary.  I know what I have done and I am pushing real hard to straighten it.......and deep down I know I will.

Well time to get out of here.

Until later……..

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Day 68

Well I am grateful that each day is getting a bit better than the day before.  Also too, tomorrow will be my official first meeting as leader at TOPS.  I have prepared my material (hand outs) for the ladies.  While planning and choosing I came to realize that I need a refresher course.  I know quite a bit what I need to do to lose weight, trying to stay motivated, etc. but looking at the material again and reviewing it, is what I need.  I guess it is to reinforce the rules?...what is right??..Or I should say what needs to be done to achieve my goals with weight or even with life in itself……if that makes any sense.   So with this week I have my guide line chart of BMR, self motivating paper to put on the fridge, which states “Take care of your body.  It’s the only place you have to live. --- Jim Rohm.  It is so true….we really need to take care of ourselves and stop that damage that we have done for so long.  Oh and my third hangout is about finding the time.  Which for myself I really really need right now especially everything going on with Pop. 

Oh and as for Pop, well when I saw him on Sunday he seemed to be getting back to himself again, which is good but then I went to see him yesterday and then POW he seemed he was going in the opposite direction.  He is so angry with the place, angry with the nurses, angry with the physical therapist, angry with the assistant staff.  He is telling me that they don’t do anything, don’t answer him, and don’t help him.  So I need to investigate a bit further and see what exactly is going on.  I feel so bad for him because I truly believe he thinks he is going back to his independent living and not that it is certain but looking promising that he will need assistance, especially when it comes to his insulin.  I am trying to explain to him and trying to prepare him for the upcoming but I don’t know if he is really listening to me or just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. This is something that I need to discuss with my sister.

On good note is that I was speaking to a dear friend yesterday, actually it was her birthday, and well she was asking about everything that is going on.  As we were finishing our conversation, she came out and asked me if I would like to go with her to her vacation house next weekend.  She and her husband have a vacation house in Delaware and her husband has to work but she was going down to stock up her freezer and stuff because they will be going there just about every weekend.  She was insisting for me to go, that we would have fun and it would be a great opportunity to catch up with each other and many more reasons.  So I thought about it and yes I am going…..I am so looking forward to just getting away with, talking with someone else about life and what’s going on.  One thing for sure as they say, you can’t pick your family but you certainly can pick your friends.  She is like a sister to me and I am so grateful for her friendship.

Wow…time is moving and I need to get back to work.

Until later……………