Loving Fridays

As always it is a good feeling when it is Friday. Tonight will be extra special because hubby and I going out for dinner to celebrate our wedding anniversary (which was actually yesterday). 32 years, at times it doesn’t seem right, with that much time has gone by. But looking back most of it was good times but also some really tough times. I am proud though that we have always worked things through. I am proud of both of my children, of who they have become and of what they have done. I feel satisfied that we have done our best in raising two fantastic people. Now onto TOPS, my presentation went real well. The group really seems to enjoy and got enthusiastic about it. Now I hope it just sticks. My presentation was on “motivation”. I had some handouts plus a questionnaire, which I told them to take home to read and answer. I think some will but not all. Also I had a small loss which I am happy about. I was quite surprised last night because I got a phone call from Mexico; this is where my son and daughter-in-law are at for their honeymoon. It was so sweet of them to call to wish us a happy anniversary. Quite touching. So moving forward with my food journal. I know I probably will be over with tonight’s dinner, most likely because I know we will have some drinks. Believe me that glass of wine will be costly but in my eyes it is just one night. I will NOT allow this to continue to falter just because of one occasion, which in the past I have allowed it to continue for several days. Need to finish some reports here at work. Until later…………

Thinking about me

Even though I don’t post often, I certainly do read plenty of other blogs. Now that all the excitement and drama is over, with both of my children and their weddings, I have begun to start thinking; I mean really thinking about me. Which I do at times but for some reason this seems to be different. I have been thinking about where I go from here. I am now 58 years old, obviously still working and will probably for a very long time. I do think about retirement, but it just seems so out of reach. I think about me and the hubby. But lately I have been thinking about how much I feel so unfocused. In many ways, not just with my health, but mainly with that. Again here I go just babbling on. Anyhow, I am back to making full dinners again. I am back to planning menus again. I am trying to get really focused on my healthy living. Actually this past weekend, as I was cleaning out a drawer from the computer desk, I can across a Christmas gift that one of my kids gave me several years ago. It is an IPOD. Brand new, never used. So I opened it and spent quite a few hours programming it and buying songs. It is now my new friend. With it I can actually feel an upbeat in my walk. The choice of music is uplifting, upbeat, like you just have to get up and dance to. So for right now this is my new tool. I have been watching and journaling my food and it seems to be working. I certainly hope so. Tomorrow I go back to TOPS; it has been three weeks since I was there, with the wedding and the holiday. So hopefully I may see a drop. I certainly hope I make it through today. Last night we had some severe storms, we lost our electricity, so there was no other options but to go to bed. Well my clock was on but it had the wrong time, so here I am thinking I better get moving and get ready for work. Well by the time I was done, it was 5:15 am; normally I don’t even get out of bed until 5:30. So with that I did a few chores and left for work. I got into work ½ hour early. All I will say I have a feeling it will catch up with me and it will be an early bedtime tonight. Hope everyone has a pleasant day. Until later………..

It has been too long

Wow I can’t believe that much time has gone by. A lot has happened, mostly all good stuff. We had our bridal shower for my daughter in law back in May and just 10 days ago, my son got married. It was a beautiful wedding, such a perfect day. Everyone stated that they had a great time. Now they are on their honeymoon in Mexico. I have seen some pictures, sure looks like they are having a blast. So officially both of my children are married. Most important to me is that I can see and feel that they are both so, so happy. To me, this is what I have always prayed for and continue to pray for, which I am so grateful. Now that things are finally are somewhat back to normal, which I will admit I am so glad about, I now look at myself and wonder, what is next. I have been having these thoughts for some time, even before the wedding. I will admit I tend to so easily to put myself, second, third or where ever down the list but I don’t want to do that no more. I have been thinking about the future and what it holds for me and the husband. So much has happened, good and not so good, but I think about the two of us and where will we be, like in five years or when ever. Right now I am having some issues with me, only me, thinking about the two of us. Sometimes I feel we have drifted apart some. But on the other hand, we still need each other. It is just right now I wish we were a bit closer, not just physically but also emotionally. I feel we are in such a rut, ditch, that it is very hard to dig out of, and sometimes feel like I am just too tired. Maybe because everything is over and there is nothing really going on right now. Part of me just feels kind of lost, lost out in space somewhere. Maybe I am just feeling old, I really can’t seem to pin point it, and hopefully I can figure it out or just get out of this mood. Sorry I may be babbling on, and probably making no sense out it is all. As for my weight, I have been on a standstill, just hovering around 50 pounds lost. I do know I want to move forward and get more weight off of me. One thing that I am proud of is that I have not quit TOPS; I sometimes think that is probably what helped me stay the same. I have been watching but not as closely I should be. So I started to journal my food again. I really don’t like it but it is necessary, it helps keeps me accountable. Trying hard to keep myself motivated, but praying that I will find it again. I also know that I need to talk things out with my husband, just need to get to the right timing, meaning when I am ready. Hopefully that may be soon. As for dad, well we did have some issues, but thank God, they did finally got resolved. Hoping that everyone enjoyed their holiday. Until later……………….

Let's see if this works

First of all I am hoping I am able to post this, for whatever reason being, I am having trouble creating a new post here at work, hopefully this will work. Need to get back to basics. I have been just not caring these past few months and the weight is slowly creeping up again. I really can't explain why I am feeling this way. But if anything I am looking forward to going away with my girlfriend to her shore house in Delaware. Maybe that will help. You would think with my son's wedding coming up in June, that would motivate me some. You would think that finally the nicer weather is coming that it would motivate me some. But with all these things, well nothing is. I just cave into everything. I read the posts of many, and many of them are just so positive, you would think that it may help, but unfortunately no. I don't think I feel depressed, who knows. I may speak to my doctor about this. I have an appointment in about three weeks. So that is about it, all in a nut shell. No matter what I will try. Until later..............

Checking in again

Ok, well this is a start.  Actually posting two days in a row.

Not that I have much to say nor has much happened.  If anything we got a significant amount of snow....again.  With all of this white stuff, it kept me home from work.  This weekend my leg has really been hurting and with walking from the train to work, well it just wasn't happening.  We winded up getting about seven inches.  It was the wet, heavy type of snow, not the fluffy kind.  Hubby shoveled quite a bit, as I sit and watched him.  If feel so bad for him plus I worry too.

I really tried to watch what I ate today.  Tonight for dinner I made hubby and I a nice chicken, roasted peppers, avocado, lettuce sandwich.  It was quite tasty.  Even hubby liked it.  I like trying different things, provided I have them in the house.

Well I am hoping that I am able to get to work tomorrow, because it is really stacking up.  Now the stations are calling for more snow plus this time ice for tomorrow night into Wednesday.  Gosh I really can't wait for spring.

Until later..................

checking in

Just dropping a quick post to check in.

I am currently watching the superbowl half time show.   I certainly am getting old because I really don't know who is performing, at least the beginning of the show.

As for me, well I am doing slightly better.  I am trying to watch what I am eating.  Last week at TOPS I lost two pounds.   Also I did three times this week, walking with Leslie Sansone.  I can't quite finish the full one mile but I am hoping to eventually to do it all.   I would say I am doing one half of a mile.  Seems that when I get to the middle of it my leg really starts hurting.  And I really don't watch to push it too far in fear of how my leg would be for the next day.  Especially with the weather we are having right now, all of this snow.  Going back and forth to work is a big task.  I just pray that the sidewalks are somewhat decent to walk on.  Even again for tomorrow, they are calling for a wintery mix, ice and heavy wet snow.  Just wonderful.  I am one who can not wait for spring.

Well, like I say this would be short.

Hope everyone is enjoying the superbowl.

Until later..............

Time

Time….it just constantly moves.  It makes me think of what exactly I am doing with myself.  I have read many of your posts and it seems that many of you are all doing things.  Not just doing out of the ordinary things but just doing things.  I guess mainly is that others are taking care of themselves.  How do you stay on track for yourself?  Me?  Well I am just existing.  I think that sums it just right.  I get up and get ready and go to work.  Come home and do what must be done.  Make dinner for hubby, then clean up and return to do the same cycle again.  I guess you could call it ho hum.  As for my eating, well, I am trying to stay on course but in the evening I fall.  Since the wedding I have gained 12 pounds and I can feel it.  Yes I am mad with myself, so what am I doing?  I am back to posting my food but not consistent.  I know what needs to be done but I sort of have the attitude I don’t want to. 

One thing that is on my mind is my father.  He lives in a nursing home and he is a difficult man.  He is one not to get into activities that they have going on there.  He is not an easy person to talk to, he has his opinions but pushing them on others.  He likes to start arguments; he likes to fight with others.  Plus he thinks that everyone around him should cater to his needs at all times.  It was kind of rough growing up with him.  Thank goodness Mom was there to intervene at times.  The only thing is that my mom always waited on him on hand and foot.  Especially when it came to meals.  My mom constantly cooked.  Plus she was a fantastic cook.  I am grateful that my mom taught my sister and I many of her german dishes.  She was born in Germany and when my dad was sent over during World War II is when he met her.  They married and then she had to come back with my dad when he was ordered to return to the United States.  Anyhow, my mom was taught that the women always serve their husbands.  OK I getting off track here, well when I go see my father he constantly complains and orders me to cook certain meals for him.  Every time I visit he strictly tells me do this for him and do that for him.  Now when my sister visits, he doesn’t tell her.  I even said to him, why don’t you tell her to cook and he tells me, nah she doesn’t like to cook no more, so I don’t.  I really think is that I wonder why my sister doesn’t get more involved with him, why is it always me.  She tells me it is hard to visit, since it is a distance, plus she doesn’t have a lot of time.  She is busy with many things.  I guess everyone else thinks that I don’t.  Maybe they are right, I don’t know.  This weighs on me quite a bit.

Anyhow I am trying to get myself out of this funky mood.

 

I need to push myself further for myself.  I need time for just me.

What I want and what I need……time.

Until later…………

Getting back to normal

Trying to read everyone’s post but a bit hard right now.

Work is quite demanding right now and by the time I get home, well, I am tired.  

If anything, now that the holidays are over, everything is put away and all is back to normal, well I am finally back on track.   The holidays have done me in plus with worrying with many issues.  I know, these are just excuses but …..they are excuses.

Now I am just trying to look forward.  Tomorrow is weigh in at TOPS.  

Also I caved in and bought a scale.  Something that I haven’t had in a long time.  So many people have told me to not weigh in everyday but I have decided to do it again.

I felt better knowing how I was doing day to day.  Some people have told me that I was obsessed but I don’t think so.  Anyhow this is what I want to do and I am doing it.

Tis time to head to bed.

Until later…………….

New Year - New Start

Happy New Year to everyone, wow 2014, as everyone has said where has the time gone?

As for me, the holidays were ok.  Unfortunately we had some family issues, they seemed to be resolved but some of the hurt is still there.  Time is still needed I think to heal some of the wounds.

But looking forward, praying and hoping that this will be a good year for us.  If anything, we have started planning the next wedding, which will be in June.  I think I have found a dress, now to shop around to see which store has it, so I could see it in real life.  Truthfully I really need to get moving with this, seems that this manufacturer takes almost three months to get the dress in.

One good thing that I can tell is that my test from my biopsy came in and it is benign.  Plus the test also showed no signs of pre-cancer.  The only thing now that the doctors what me to further investigate is that they are saying that my uterus has dropped.  I just need to see what the next step is.  I am really hoping that this year will be less of doctors.

As for my weight, well that has certainly got pushed to the sidelines.  But I am trying my up most best to get back on track.  I am even trying to find a word for myself for this year to hang onto, strive for, whatever you would want to call it.  I am thinking of ENDURE.  I like this word.  I really like the meaning of it, tolerate, survive, keep on, and persist.  I think that is going to be my 2014 word for me.  ENDURE

I actually went to Kohl’s on Monday and bought a scale.  I haven’t had a scale for quite some time; I only weighed in at TOPS on Thursdays.  I got rid of the scale because I seemed obsessed. I would practically weigh myself everyday, many have told me that it wasn’t a good thing to do but I think it really helped me.  So I am going back to it.   I know that your weight can fluctuate from day to day and with many reasons too.  But I can deal with it.

Well, my Christmas vacation is over, I have been home since Christmas Eve and honestly I want it to be over.  I am ready to move on.  The new year is bringing many obstacles but I think I am ready to achieve them in all ways.

I pray that everyone will have a wonderful year.

Until later……………