Monday, July 7, 2014

It has been too long

Wow I can’t believe that much time has gone by. A lot has happened, mostly all good stuff. We had our bridal shower for my daughter in law back in May and just 10 days ago, my son got married. It was a beautiful wedding, such a perfect day. Everyone stated that they had a great time. Now they are on their honeymoon in Mexico. I have seen some pictures, sure looks like they are having a blast. So officially both of my children are married. Most important to me is that I can see and feel that they are both so, so happy. To me, this is what I have always prayed for and continue to pray for, which I am so grateful. Now that things are finally are somewhat back to normal, which I will admit I am so glad about, I now look at myself and wonder, what is next. I have been having these thoughts for some time, even before the wedding. I will admit I tend to so easily to put myself, second, third or where ever down the list but I don’t want to do that no more. I have been thinking about the future and what it holds for me and the husband. So much has happened, good and not so good, but I think about the two of us and where will we be, like in five years or when ever. Right now I am having some issues with me, only me, thinking about the two of us. Sometimes I feel we have drifted apart some. But on the other hand, we still need each other. It is just right now I wish we were a bit closer, not just physically but also emotionally. I feel we are in such a rut, ditch, that it is very hard to dig out of, and sometimes feel like I am just too tired. Maybe because everything is over and there is nothing really going on right now. Part of me just feels kind of lost, lost out in space somewhere. Maybe I am just feeling old, I really can’t seem to pin point it, and hopefully I can figure it out or just get out of this mood. Sorry I may be babbling on, and probably making no sense out it is all. As for my weight, I have been on a standstill, just hovering around 50 pounds lost. I do know I want to move forward and get more weight off of me. One thing that I am proud of is that I have not quit TOPS; I sometimes think that is probably what helped me stay the same. I have been watching but not as closely I should be. So I started to journal my food again. I really don’t like it but it is necessary, it helps keeps me accountable. Trying hard to keep myself motivated, but praying that I will find it again. I also know that I need to talk things out with my husband, just need to get to the right timing, meaning when I am ready. Hopefully that may be soon. As for dad, well we did have some issues, but thank God, they did finally got resolved. Hoping that everyone enjoyed their holiday. Until later……………….

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