Tuesday, February 26, 2013

If things could just stay like this

It is funny how one week can be so horrible and then the next just filled with content and happiness.  Obviously I would be just fine with the content but such is life.
I am please to state that my dad is back in the nursing home and is doing much better.  Even his spirits are good, which for me makes me very happy.  And as for my daughter, she is doing much better too.
Also too my daughter has found her wedding dress, oh my goodness, it is beautiful and she looks amazing in it.  She wants to do some small changes to it but she looks fabulous.  She was beaming from ear to ear; it took a lot to hold back the tears.  It kind of hit me too that my little girl is to be married.   As for my dress, well I think I am going in a few weeks to order mine.  I just can’t seem to pick exactly what color, either wine or cranberry. 
Well our challenge this week is going well with my TOPS group.  I just need to accept that it is always the same few who respond and really try to get into this.  I have told the group about me stepping down; they were not happy but understood the reasoning.  Actually I kind of feel relieved about the whole thing.  I really just want to concentrate on me, which is one of my reasons for even joining the group.  Even though I wasn’t trying my best last week I did manage to lose 2 pounds.  Now I need to get rid of 9 more to get to the weight I was before I had surgery in November.  Right now I am feeling good and confident I will get there again. 
Saturday the kids are coming over to celebrate hubby’s birthday.  I am making dinner and it will be healthy.  I have bought chicken and now looking for a two nice side dishes.  It should be nice.
Funny how when things are going well, my post are not that long but when something happens it could be two pages or more…..
Until later…………………

Monday, February 18, 2013

Trying to re-locate myself

Oh last week was a week of worry, troubled and anxiety.  As I stated before, my daughter was in the hospital with severe stomach pains.  She was released early Monday morning and she was home for the entire week.  She had the pain all week, she felt weak, nauseas, achy, and you name it.  Thank goodness she is starting to feel better.
But it didn’t stop there, late on Monday night my father was rushed to the hospital.  Seems his sugar dropped extremely low and he was experiencing hard time breathing.  Once at the hospital they were able to somewhat stable his sugar but suddenly his blood pressure dropped way too low that they had to put him in ICU.  As of right now he is in a regular room, still trying to control his sugar and giving him antibiotics for the pneumonia.  His blood pressure seems much better too.  I don’t know when they are going to release him though.  I had a long talk with my sister and we need to find another nursing home for him.  He does not like there at all, he even told me that he likes where he is and that the nurses are so nice and he does not want to go back to the nursing home.  This broke my heart hearing him say this, so we need to move swift and quickly to make it better.
As for my eating, well that is certainly out the window.  Plus with everything going on, it just made me realize that I had to resign from being the leader of our TOPS group.  My head is not in the game and it is so very difficult to reach so deep to motivate others while I don’t have the motivation for myself.  Sounds kinda strange even writing it but I truly feel that is the best decision for me.  Also too this weekend I have done some deep searching within me.  I am trying to get out of this funky mood.  That even today I have told myself, even if I am not watching correctly what I should be eating I will still journal my foods.  Hopefully seeing it written down will snap me out of this “just eat what you want” mood.    Hopefully this will work, plus I have been praying a lot to our dear Lord.
I will admit I am looking forward to next weekend.  My dear future daughter-in-law and my son are doing WW.  Anyhow, while talking with her and asking her what are you eating and how does the program work.  She explained everything to me and also said that my daughter was talking to her too about the program.  She said she has been making these simple but delicious so called “muffin meals”, and then asked if she and my daughter can come to my house and we would have a baking day.  Sounded lovely to me, so the two of them are coming Sunday and we are baking plenty and then dividing them up to freeze.  My daughter-in-law sent to me this site that has so many “muffin meals” recipes, I think I am going to make the one labeled as “Egg, bacon and cheese meal muffin”  Once they are made, cooled you can freeze them for on the go grab meal.  Hopefully with all of this I will become more mindful about the program and especially more mindful about me.
Until later…..

Monday, February 11, 2013

Eventful Weekend

An eventful weekend.  Saturday was nice, my dear girlfriend came over and we just spent the day just chatting.  It is so nice to have someone to really talk to, I mean someone you can just really open up with.  We have such a good relationship.  I love her dearly.

Everything was good until Sunday evening when my future son-in-law called telling us that he had to take our daughter to the hospital.  She was vomiting very violently and couldn’t stop.  Hubby and I just paced around waiting to hear what was wrong.  Seems that they told her she had colitis and that she needs to take it easy.  She also needs to follow up with her doctor.  So with being up all night I stayed home today.  I did get some sleep but I am so tired, but if I slept a lot during the day I know I wouldn’t get any rest tonight. 
So with that this post will be short. 

As for eating, well I again went overboard. 

Need so much to get it together.

Heading for bed with the attitude I will be strict with myself tomorrow.

Until later………….

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Where Am I ?????

Lately I have constantly been thinking “Where Am I”.  I mean I know “where” I am physically but I feel a bit lost of “where” I should be mentally or emotionally.  I also try to remember, is it just the time of the year when I just feel YUCKY.  Again, not physically, but emotionally. 
I think I am trying to stay on track with my eating, but not 100%.  I see myself slipping, not caring, not trying enough I guess.  I wonder why I am like this.  This kind of funky mood.  I am not angry, nor mad, sad, upset, just downright blah.
I am not happy about my weight, it is like I gain a few pounds, then lose the few pounds.  I just wish I could get off this merry go round.  I feel that in my head I have made up my mind and want to do this but I have no energy.  Is that it?  Worse part is that I am pulling everything I got inside of me to motivate my group, but on the other hand I feel such a hypocrite with anything that I should say.  Or like I have nothing left for me.  I sometimes think that maybe I should step down from being leader.  Am I burned out from it?  I did tell the ladies last week that by the end of this month I will let them know if I will run again or will step down.  I will admit some of them are putting some pressure on me to run again.  Truthfully I really don’t want to disappoint anyone, but when I joined the group, I joined for me and no one else.  So I need to sort out my emotions, I really do like everyone there and I don’t want to displease anyone, but then again there I go, trying to please others before me.  Maybe this is what is bothering me.  Like many other times, I wish there was someone in my ear just telling me what I should do.
Until later…………….