Lately I have constantly been thinking “Where Am I”. I mean I know “where” I am physically but I feel a bit lost of “where” I should be mentally or emotionally. I also try to remember, is it just the time of the year when I just feel YUCKY. Again, not physically, but emotionally.
I think I am trying to stay on track with my eating, but not 100%. I see myself slipping, not caring, not trying enough I guess. I wonder why I am like this. This kind of funky mood. I am not angry, nor mad, sad, upset, just downright blah.
I am not happy about my weight, it is like I gain a few pounds, then lose the few pounds. I just wish I could get off this merry go round. I feel that in my head I have made up my mind and want to do this but I have no energy. Is that it? Worse part is that I am pulling everything I got inside of me to motivate my group, but on the other hand I feel such a hypocrite with anything that I should say. Or like I have nothing left for me. I sometimes think that maybe I should step down from being leader. Am I burned out from it? I did tell the ladies last week that by the end of this month I will let them know if I will run again or will step down. I will admit some of them are putting some pressure on me to run again. Truthfully I really don’t want to disappoint anyone, but when I joined the group, I joined for me and no one else. So I need to sort out my emotions, I really do like everyone there and I don’t want to displease anyone, but then again there I go, trying to please others before me. Maybe this is what is bothering me. Like many other times, I wish there was someone in my ear just telling me what I should do.