Time….it just constantly moves. It makes me think of what exactly I am doing with myself. I have read many of your posts and it seems that many of you are all doing things. Not just doing out of the ordinary things but just doing things. I guess mainly is that others are taking care of themselves. How do you stay on track for yourself? Me? Well I am just existing. I think that sums it just right. I get up and get ready and go to work. Come home and do what must be done. Make dinner for hubby, then clean up and return to do the same cycle again. I guess you could call it ho hum. As for my eating, well, I am trying to stay on course but in the evening I fall. Since the wedding I have gained 12 pounds and I can feel it. Yes I am mad with myself, so what am I doing? I am back to posting my food but not consistent. I know what needs to be done but I sort of have the attitude I don’t want to.
One thing that is on my mind is my father. He lives in a nursing home and he is a difficult man. He is one not to get into activities that they have going on there. He is not an easy person to talk to, he has his opinions but pushing them on others. He likes to start arguments; he likes to fight with others. Plus he thinks that everyone around him should cater to his needs at all times. It was kind of rough growing up with him. Thank goodness Mom was there to intervene at times. The only thing is that my mom always waited on him on hand and foot. Especially when it came to meals. My mom constantly cooked. Plus she was a fantastic cook. I am grateful that my mom taught my sister and I many of her german dishes. She was born in
and when my dad was sent
over during World War II is when he met her.
They married and then she had to come back with my dad when he was
ordered to return to the Germany .
Anyhow, my mom was taught that the women always serve their
husbands. OK I getting off track here,
well when I go see my father he constantly complains and orders me to cook
certain meals for him. Every time I
visit he strictly tells me do this for him and do that for him. Now when my sister visits, he doesn’t tell
her. I even said to him, why don’t you
tell her to cook and he tells me, nah she doesn’t like to cook no more, so I don’t. I really think is that I wonder why my sister
doesn’t get more involved with him, why is it always me. She tells me it is hard to visit, since it is
a distance, plus she doesn’t have a lot of time. She is busy with many things. I guess everyone else thinks that I don’t. Maybe they are right, I don’t know. This weighs on me quite a bit. United
Anyhow I am trying to get myself out of this funky mood.
I need to push myself further for myself. I need time for just me.
What I want and what I need……time.