Saturday, January 18, 2014


Time….it just constantly moves.  It makes me think of what exactly I am doing with myself.  I have read many of your posts and it seems that many of you are all doing things.  Not just doing out of the ordinary things but just doing things.  I guess mainly is that others are taking care of themselves.  How do you stay on track for yourself?  Me?  Well I am just existing.  I think that sums it just right.  I get up and get ready and go to work.  Come home and do what must be done.  Make dinner for hubby, then clean up and return to do the same cycle again.  I guess you could call it ho hum.  As for my eating, well, I am trying to stay on course but in the evening I fall.  Since the wedding I have gained 12 pounds and I can feel it.  Yes I am mad with myself, so what am I doing?  I am back to posting my food but not consistent.  I know what needs to be done but I sort of have the attitude I don’t want to. 

One thing that is on my mind is my father.  He lives in a nursing home and he is a difficult man.  He is one not to get into activities that they have going on there.  He is not an easy person to talk to, he has his opinions but pushing them on others.  He likes to start arguments; he likes to fight with others.  Plus he thinks that everyone around him should cater to his needs at all times.  It was kind of rough growing up with him.  Thank goodness Mom was there to intervene at times.  The only thing is that my mom always waited on him on hand and foot.  Especially when it came to meals.  My mom constantly cooked.  Plus she was a fantastic cook.  I am grateful that my mom taught my sister and I many of her german dishes.  She was born in Germany and when my dad was sent over during World War II is when he met her.  They married and then she had to come back with my dad when he was ordered to return to the United States.  Anyhow, my mom was taught that the women always serve their husbands.  OK I getting off track here, well when I go see my father he constantly complains and orders me to cook certain meals for him.  Every time I visit he strictly tells me do this for him and do that for him.  Now when my sister visits, he doesn’t tell her.  I even said to him, why don’t you tell her to cook and he tells me, nah she doesn’t like to cook no more, so I don’t.  I really think is that I wonder why my sister doesn’t get more involved with him, why is it always me.  She tells me it is hard to visit, since it is a distance, plus she doesn’t have a lot of time.  She is busy with many things.  I guess everyone else thinks that I don’t.  Maybe they are right, I don’t know.  This weighs on me quite a bit.

Anyhow I am trying to get myself out of this funky mood.
I need to push myself further for myself.  I need time for just me.

What I want and what I need……time.

Until later…………


  1. Hi Anna Marie, When I read this, it makes me think that I should go food journal right now! Like immediately! I've had some slide during the holidays, and I'm just getting back to a more strict way of eating. And I feel so much better doing that. So--the key thing--don't screw it up--right?!

    Just start again, and don't beat yourself up. This is a life-long journey. Try to have fun with food and exercise because it is much easier to do then. And always--you can comment on my blog if you want to chat with me.

    I'm also hoping for better TOPS weigh-ins. :D

  2. Anna Marie,
    Life sure does get the best of us sometimes, and I know for myself it is easy to slip into that just existing mentality. I struggle at nights myself. I posted today that I have started playing games again with the food and calories. Not like I have in the past, but still. One thing that does seem to help me is when I just simply say, "I can only have a certain number of calories, and then I am done." At night I try to plan things I really enjoy doing. Is there one thing you really love to do? You will find what works for you. Relationships are tough, and I eat a lot when relationships are uncomfortable. I know people say eating won't solve anything, but I get now that I used food to avoid dealing with the relationships. It may take a couple of tries to figure out what is the best thing with your dad, and nobody can fix it or keep advice. It is up to you. But you owe it to yourself to figure out a solution even if at the end you say okay I am just going to go this many times to see him, and I will keep these meals. It is whatever works for you. We can do this. One last thing that I have told myself that helps me. I remind myself that every year no matter how much weight I have gained, I always come back to wanting to get healthy. I then spend days miserable and upset with myself. So I just tell myself if I have to be miserable, I might as be miserable on the way down the scales. Love and light coming your way.

  3. Anna Marie,

    I definitely know what it is like to let life get in the way of weight loss and taking care of yourself. As selfish as it may sound, make time for you. You have to or things will continue to spiral downward. It may make people angry or upset, but that will have to be their problem. Even if your "me time" only consists of taking a walk or reading a book, you will be surprised at how much that helps.

  4. Anna Marie,

    I watched my mother go through a similar situation with her father. She ended up having to care for him on her own, and he was a very difficult person. The only thing I can say to you is that this is just a phase of your life that will pass. We all get into funks, and you will eventually pull yourself out of this one. And Mary Ellen is right, you MUST take some time for yourself. Your life is just as important as everyone else's, and you deserve to be able to enjoy it, however that may be. I'll be praying for you!

  5. I think what you're going through is VERY normal...I've heard a lot of similar things with siblings, taking care of parents. One sibling seems to always step up and take responsibility. I think perhaps you aren't giving yourself enough credit...your dad knows you can be counted on because you're a responsible've taken your mom's role in his life. But that is a very difficult thing to take on. Someday, though, you'll look back and be glad you had this time with him, even though he's difficult. (I have a very difficult father and father-in-law, so I know the feeling! Luckily my stepdad is very pleasant and he's the only one who lives nearby!)