Friday, August 31, 2012

Day 189 Wanting to stay in a good place

Well yesterday was TOPS night and I am happy to report that I lost another 2.75 pounds bringing my total weight into the next tens.  I am happy.  During this week I felt really focused and strong.  Now I just want to stay in this good place.  Don’t’ know why but I fear of falling off.  I haven’t (or least not yet) but I wonder if I can stay true with myself and not slip and start giving myself excuses.

With following another blog, like I have stated in a previous blog, he has challenged a group of people to eat 1200 calories per day.  Embarrassed or I should say fear of failure I have not joined his group publicly, I have joined privately.  This way no one would know if I failed, only me.

One good thing about this feeling/attitude is that I am trying to spread this so call mo-jo to my TOPS group.  Hopefully the motivation will be accepted.

As for the weekend, well nothing really happening.  No plans to go anywhere, even though the hubby and kids are going to a concert on Sunday and Monday.  I have no desire to go, why??  Only because I don’t care for the entertainer.  I do wish them to have a good time.   I just sometimes wish that hubby would like to do something with me, something that I would like to do, but I guess for right now, it just is not happening.

I just finished reading another blog of this woman who has gone through so much and has lost a tremendous amount of weight.  Well today she wrote about isolation.  She really puts her feelings out there.  Well she got me thinking and I thought YES that is how I feel sometimes.  Isolated, alone, even when hubby is here I still feel alone.  Is it because we have lost interest in each other?  I do understand that we are in a new stage of our lives, meaning that the kids are out and on their own.  Do we need to readjust again?  Do we need to re-introduce ourselves and see and find out who we are?  Or is it we are just used to each other.  Feed off each other’s emotions.  Have we become too, too comfortable with each other?  Have we lost the energy? Is it because we are older?  Many questions go through my head.  I truly want him to be happy but then I stop myself, what about me?  Am I happy?  I honestly don’t know. 

I actually thought the other day, am I going through menopause, even though my period has stopped many years ago.  I still do have periodically have those horrible hot flashes but I never went through as some women do with the mood swings and terrible attitude.  Am I going through it now?  Am I one of those women?

This is something that I need to talk to my GYN; thank goodness I have an appointment next month for my annual check-up.

Only thing that I am really trying real hard is to stay in this one good place, and that place is my relationship with food.  It is fuel for my body and nothing else.  I want to get away from it for comfort.  I need to find another comfort zone.

Until later……………

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