Just trying to continue on........

Wow another week has flown by.  Also too, the weather has been and is crazy.  Just last Saturday our temperature was like in the 50’s.  It was so chilly and windy, that if you went outside you needed a lite jacket or sweatshirt.  Now today it is suppose to go up in the mid 90’s.  Leaving work this morning at 6:15am the temp read in the car at 72.  So crazy.  Anyhow I am grateful that where I work is air-conditioned.

Well tonight is TOPS night and I have struggled to stay somewhat on plan.  I have made my lunches all week.  Drank my big bottles of water.  So tonight will tell.  Oh and as for last week, I lost 2 ½ pounds.  I just need to lose another two pounds and again I will be back to my lowest.  Why I keep repeating this method over and over is beyond me.  So many times I wonder, am I afraid of losing more weight, not that I am near goal or anything.  Or is it, my mood at that moment is that I don’t care?  I wish I could figure out my head.

With the wedding just under five months to go, I only have 17 pounds to get to the goal that I have set for myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I am no where near where I should be, but I wanted to set a realistic goal.  I thought 75 pounds would be good.  If I were to go below that, then that would be a plus.  I just wonder why I just can’t seem to be consistent with my eating habits. 

Other than that I have been quite busy preparing for my daughter’s wedding shower, which is in three weeks.  It is all coming down to the wire.  My biggest complaint about it all is that how people don’t respond to invitations.  Meaning that it was requested as a RSVP.  I am not the least bit upset if a person can’t make it, but at least tell me.  Don’t people realize that when it is catered that one needs to give a head count.  Also too I just love those (once I have contacted them) would state, oh you should have known that I was coming….really?  I should have known???   My goodness if I could do that, well, maybe I would know the winning lottery numbers next time.

So with that and also trying to keep up with my father, who is in the nursing home, I seem to have my hands full right now.  Hopefully once the wedding shower is over, things may begin to calm down.  I certainly hope so.  If anything I am glad that my auditors are finally finished here at work and now I can start taking some time off.  What is helping now is that I am taking off mainly on Fridays to have a three day weekend.  So all in all things are good.  (I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, things could be worse….haha)

Until later……………..

Where did my determination go???????

Where is my determination?   Several months ago I thought I had it and I was moving in the right direction.  As always slow but I was moving in the right direction.  Now lately, I am not moving at all.  Which of course the result is that now I am going in the WRONG direction.  I don’t know what it is but I am caving in so easily.  Yesterday I caved in when someone here at work came into my office and offered me a soft pretzel.  So quickly I said of course.  Took one and within 5 minutes it was gone.  Did I take the time to think about it?  NO   Did I even think that I was hungry?  (Which I wasn’t)   but NO.  And here is the best…..I continued grabbing anything and everything once I got home.  This is so wrong of me.  I definitely know better.  What is my desire?  Don’t I “want” to get healthier?  Don’t I want to be lighter so my knee will feel better?  Don’t I want to lose this horrible weight, at least get to the goal that I promised myself for the wedding in October?  Which might I add is so doable.  I want to lose another 20 pounds in 5 five months…..so so doable.  So why do I have the attitude like I don’t care?  I just can’t seem to figure it out.  Don’t I want this?   My mind is all over the place.  I just need to focus; right now I just want to scream.   Oh why?????????????

Until later…………………….

Need to be back in CONTROL

I am officially all over the place, not only with what I am eating but just about everything.  Not a pretty picture.  I am trying very hard to get in control.  One thing that I will admit, it seems that I have much better control when I am in work.  I have my packed breakfast and lunch with two small snacks.  It is always when I get home that does me in. 

I am hoping, (no strike that) I WILL take control of myself tonight.  I just need to tell myself I will watch and not just grab anything that is around.  Especially tonight because Hubby went and did a little food shopping yesterday while I was out running some errands.  Well to my surprise, he brought home three bags of sun chips.  I was so stunned.  Not so much he brought them (sun chips) home but three bags???   I asked him and he stated it was because they had a good sale going on.  I guess because of the holiday coming up.  Oh my, this is going to be great!!!! (not really).

But regardless, I am the one who should be in control.  It is not his problem but mine.  I must own up to it and stop complaining.

Until later………….

What am I doing????????????

Amazing, just even back a few days and poof how easy it is to break a promise.

Unfortunately I missed writing, then again, how much can stuff happen in one day, ah yes a lot but nothing really much this day, which in turn I am grateful that nothing drastic happened.

Last night was weigh in at TOPS and really I was quite surprised, I did manage to lose 1.75 pounds.  I honestly thought I may have gained a half of pound or something.  Now I just need to lose another 4.25 pounds to get where I was several weeks ago and then really continue to lose.  A dear friend left a comment stating that maintain in the same 5-10 lb window isn’t a bad thing that I should consider it practicing for life.  My goodness she is such a blessing to me with her wisdom and support.  I adore her.  I understand the concept of what she is saying but part of me is saying that is such a nice excuse.  I really need to concentrate more of losing.  I have made a promise to myself of what I would like to weigh on the day of the wedding, which is in five months, and all I need to lose is another 20 pounds, so doable, so why am I not doing it?  Such a good question, and truthfully I am not one of those procrastinators neither.  I am the type to plan and execute of usually whatever needs to be done, but why not this?  Too much work?  Too much planning?  What are my excuses?  I should have none

I am looking forward to this weekend.  On Sunday I am going with my son to the outlets, just him and I.  This is part of his mother’s day gift to me that we spend the day together.  I just love it; we have been doing this for the last five years.  I might as well take full advantage of it because once he is married and has children; he will not have time for this anymore.

Well I need to get moving back again with my reports.

Still need to answer some of my own questions though.

Until later……………..

Crazy day but staying focused

Ok I promised myself I would write something today.

Might not be much but it is still something.

As for yesterday, I really think I did pretty well.  I watch what I was eating, I really didn’t journal my food, but in my head I think I may have been around 1500 to 1600 in calories.

Also too last night I got my hair done, which it needed desperately.   And of course, what woman doesn’t feel better about themselves, especially when the hair is looking mighty nice.

So far with today, I am trying to stay on track.  Breakfast and lunch is on target.  I am even getting the water in as did before.  Just going a bit crazy right now with work.  Seems everyone just wants a piece of me.  Whew, believe me I can’t wait until it is four o’clock, which is the time to go home.

One thing I am looking forward to is that I am meeting a dear friend after work for a drink.   I already know that I am staying away from my usual amaretto and will order vodka and cranberry.   I still can’t get used to gin and tonic, which many say is very low calorie.  Maybe someday I will get there.

Ok need to run, again.

Until later…………………

Need to get back to reality again

So much has happened that I can’t even remember it all.  But out of it all, I have been playing with the same 5 to 10 pounds over and over again.  This has to stop.   Also too being away so long, well that too has to stop.  Why is it so easy to fall back into such bad habits?  This all has to end and will end now.

I have placed myself to the bottom of the list and I do not like it one bit being there.  Here we are five months into the year and I still haven’t started any type of exercise.  I need to get back to reality.  Too much time has slipped by and I can’t get it back.  I need to grasp the moment now and do something.  It is now five months until the wedding and only a bit over a month until my daughter’s wedding shower.  A lot has been done but still need to finish up a lot.  I need to plan better with everything.  I have been dishing out too many excuses, why?  To justify my needs or is it my wants?  All of this is probably not making too much sense right now.  I really need to get my mojo back.

I am making a promise to myself to be back again tomorrow.  It has always helped me. 

Until later………….

Stop Dreaming

Again, another holiday upon us again.  I just wish the weather was more cooperative with the holiday.  Hopefully it will be nice on Easter Sunday.  Looks like hubby and I will be home together alone.  Unfortunately the kids will not be coming over.  I still will be making dinner but I will be keeping it simple.  Just making some ham, baked potatoes and a vegetable.  Will start it off with a nice salad.  That will be enough for us. 

As for my eating, well I feel I have done well except for last weekend.  Like the old saying goes either feast or famine and last weekend was a feast.  Hubby and I attended a wedding, and then the kids came over to celebrate my birthday and then on Sunday headed over to my sister’s house for a demonstration.  And of course there was plenty of food around, many snacks and many drinks.  Truthfully I am looking forward to a peaceful and quiet weekend.

Yesterday was very tiring, just as I was getting off the train I received a phone call from the nursing home my Pop is in.  Seems his blood pressure was very low so they had him transported to the hospital.  So there I was sitting in the ER room for many hours.  He seems to be better which I am thankful for.

One thing that I noticed from last week.  Especially the next day after the wedding.  I was sore, meaning my legs, but as the day wore on it seemed that my legs were a bit stronger?  This is showing me that I need to exercise more to gain strength but yet I failed to do it.  Why am I so lazy when it comes to exercising?  Sometimes I wish I had a secret pal standing right next to me telling me to get up and just do it.  I continually read this woman’s blog (which I may add is absolutely amazing and so inspiring) and how she would just do 30 seconds of walking, which may I add was excruciating for her.  And WOW you should see her today.  Even as I write this I am telling myself just 30 seconds, that is all you need to do, but I don’t.  This is one area that I am so weak in. 

Also there is this other woman who seems to have turned her life around, she exercises almost every day.  She just recently wrote how the numbers from her blood test came back better than ever.  This only proves how exercising improves your health.  So why don’t I get started?

I keep saying I am going to do something but don’t. 

I need to stop dreaming and make it a reality.

Until later…………