Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Where did my determination go???????

Where is my determination?   Several months ago I thought I had it and I was moving in the right direction.  As always slow but I was moving in the right direction.  Now lately, I am not moving at all.  Which of course the result is that now I am going in the WRONG direction.  I don’t know what it is but I am caving in so easily.  Yesterday I caved in when someone here at work came into my office and offered me a soft pretzel.  So quickly I said of course.  Took one and within 5 minutes it was gone.  Did I take the time to think about it?  NO   Did I even think that I was hungry?  (Which I wasn’t)   but NO.  And here is the best…..I continued grabbing anything and everything once I got home.  This is so wrong of me.  I definitely know better.  What is my desire?  Don’t I “want” to get healthier?  Don’t I want to be lighter so my knee will feel better?  Don’t I want to lose this horrible weight, at least get to the goal that I promised myself for the wedding in October?  Which might I add is so doable.  I want to lose another 20 pounds in 5 five months… so doable.  So why do I have the attitude like I don’t care?  I just can’t seem to figure it out.  Don’t I want this?   My mind is all over the place.  I just need to focus; right now I just want to scream.   Oh why?????????????
Until later…………………….

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