Thursday, June 21, 2012

Day 118

OMG....the heat is unbearable today, yesterday the temperature was in the mid 90's and today they are predicting 99 or better.  So for tonight at TOPS we will have only a weigh in because it is just too too hot in the parish hall, the room is closed and no air, it is stifling.  As for myself, well again I will be happy if I stay the same.  I have allowed too much emotional eating during this week.  Slowly the "I don't care" mood is creeping back inside of me.  I am allowing thoughts of my dad, my leg, (which has been really hurting a lot this week) get the best of me.  Once I get home, I am just sitting on my fat a$$ until it is time to go to bed. 

One thing that I am kinda proud of is that I finally called the orthopedic doctor and got the ball rolling for the procedure.  I have been avoiding this since February.  I am just so so scared but now the pain is overcoming me being scared.  This is my last alternative before surgery.  Plus the doctor stated that he highly recommends that I lose a large amount of weight before surgery.  When I last saw him and until now I am down another 19 pounds, so the weight is slowly coming off, but I still need another 50 pounds, I believe before I could have surgery.  This procedure is 3 injections (spread over three weeks) of this so called gel which is mainly made up from chicken fat?  This gel is to lubricate the joint and where ever this is a space put a cushion so that the bone will not be rubbing against bone.  It has been determined that I have no cartilage and also that my knee cap is severely damaged.  So with this procedure, hopefully it will work and will buy me some more time to lose more weight and also hopefully will allow me to be more mobile so I can at least do some walking, which in turn should help me lose more.  The only thing is that I have always been scared, afraid of needles my whole life.  I mean when it comes to that I have to, yes I do get them, but I just can't shake that feeling.  I literally become scared.  I know the pain is not much, but.......   I always felt that I was such a sissy and also thought it is probably that I can't take pain.....but with seeing three doctors in regards about my knee....they all have said that they are so surprised that I can even walk, with all this pain.  So ....  I just don't know why I get so hyped up about needles....  OK enough of I spoke to the office and now they are ordering the medication, once that is in, I will get scheduled for the three week procedure.  I am hoping that they can schedule me on Thursday evenings, this way I am home for three days.  They claim that when you get a shot you must rest the leg for 24 to 48 hours.  So getting it on Thursday will be perfect.  I hope it goes that way.

Right now I just don't want to do anything.....I do have plenty to do.  I would love to get moving and get back to my bedroom and just finish the darn thing....hopefully maybe once I get my knee better and can move around better, it will get done.

Well enough said and I need to get back to work....

Until later...............

1 comment:

  1. Sorry I've not comment in forever, don't mean to neglect you. Sorry to hear about your knee I have the same trouble with no cartlidge left plus I have arthritis in both knees. So far I too have just been suffering through. I will see how it goes for you to see if I will weather the shots myself. Crossing my fingers for you.