Monday, June 18, 2012

Day 115

Wow last week sure did go by fast, but actually I am so glad.  Last week was very hectic and emotional.  Friday was the hardest day.  My sister, brother-in-law and I moved Pop's stuff out of his independent living apartment and downsized it all into a personal care living apartment.  So a lot of his stuff is now sitting in my garage, (I live 1 mile away from him).  So this was an all day event.  With constant walking back and forth from one apartment to the other.  And of course they were not near each other, as a matter of fact they were just about opposite ends.  So with all of that, they (the assistants from nursing/re-hab) bring my dad to the personal care unit.  The nurse then needed to talk with him and get all his vital signs.  So while there, Pop needed to show them that he could get around a bit on his own, well he couldn't.  Then they needed to bring nursing/re-hab folks down to talk to him and us.  Little did we know that the last two weeks Pop has been refusing therapy.  So with that he has become more weak and now can not support himself.  Also too we (my sister and I) have found out that he has been giving the staff a very hard time.  So with all of this, Pop is now BACK to re-hab and they and us have told him, if he doesn't comply with all that is needed that he will end up in full time nursing.  He has told us they he doesn't like it there (nursing home), so we tried to tell him that he needs to do what he is suppose to do.  So with all of that, my sister and I have finished setting him up in personal care and we went home exhausted.  On Saturday, I did just about nothing, my leg was screaming with all the walking, pulling and pushing and lugging stuff around and packing.  Honestly after the ordeal on Friday, I just didn't even want to talk to my father.  He just expects everyone around him to do whatever he wants.  He doesn't want to do anything but lay around and people should wait on him.  He just doesn't get it.  He feels that since he is paying them, they should wait on him hand and foot.  And when he doesn't get his way, he becomes mean, obnoxious, and screams out profanity and just calls you names you would never expect from someone.  We also found out that once he was so angry, for whatever I don't know, that he spitted at someone.  I don't know the situation but no one should ever do that.  There are so many times that I just feel so embarrassed to even say that he is my father.  It may seems wrong of me but even this weekend I couldn't even bring myself to call him because I just didn't want to hear his complaints and possible refusal to physical therapy.  I am going up today to see him.  I certainly hope to hear some good news.  My sister and I tried to talk to him on Friday, alone and really tried to get across the situation and that if he wanted out, he must do what is necessary and to also behave.  I know that he is old (91 years) but it is inexcusable of his actions.  His actions didn't just appear overnight neither, he has always been like this, unfortunately it just got worse as he aged, which he is no dummy, he has used his age for many excuses.  So many times I just wanted to walk away, have nothing to do with him but I can't let go the "he is my father" feeling.  I do have some love for him, probably because he is my father but I think that is all.  I certainly don't like him and haven't for a long time. 

So Sunday was a nice day.  Unfortunately hubby had to work but once he got home, all of the kids were there.  Hubby already told me what he wanted for dinner was simple but I will admit very fattening.  He wanted hot wings with french fries and pizza.  So that is exactly what we had.  I also made some desserts, fruit salad with dressing and the lemon/blueberry cake (low fat).  But then our son and his girlfriend (which I did find out that our son is going to propose in two I will have two weddings...don't really want to think about it right now) anyway they brought over hubby's favorite, apple pie and vanilla ice cream.  So we certainly had plenty of sweets.  And yes I did have some.  I must say again, not eating this way hardly, I can certainly feel that over full feeling, bloating and very very uncomfortable feeling.  I don't like it at all.  So I am definitely back on track.  Funny though, last night as we talked about Pop I realized that I was shoving food in my mouth and eating very fast.  I didn't even taste the food, just spoon after spoon filling my mouth.  I wish I had better control with this.  I guess this is one area that will need a lot of work.

Also too I told my sister that I must move on with me.  I have been putting off seeing the doctor in regards about my leg.  I was hurting so bad on Friday.  Also too I think I am using all of this as an excuse to not go.  I don't know why but I am so scared.  I know I have always been scared of needles but when it needs to be done, I face them.  But this time I am really avoiding this.  You see, my next alternative is to get three injections of this so called medicine.  Actually I have been told it is some type of gel.  Anyway the gel is injected into the knee and is suppose to lubricate and also make some type of cushion, so that the bone is not rubbing against the other bone.  I no longer have any cartilage left in my left knee.  Three doctors have already mentioned that they are surprised that I can even walk.  Which I can, but after about five minutes of walking then the pain starts again.  Also too all of the doctors have suggested that my type of exercise for me would be water aerobics.  As a matter of fact this weekend, a flyer from our local hospital, they also have a get well/fitness center, advertised about having water aerobics for seven weeks.  It is twice a week, Wednesdays and Fridays.  I am seriously thinking about it.  I know that this would help me so much in getting more weight off.  Now to just get over my body image, which I don't like, especially in a bathing suit.  I really need to push forward on this.

Oh and I almost forgot, I am so so grateful, with all the emotional eating this past week, I stayed the same with the scale.

Well the boss is still away, so hopefully I can get some work done.

Until later................

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