Time

Time….it just constantly moves.  It makes me think of what exactly I am doing with myself.  I have read many of your posts and it seems that many of you are all doing things.  Not just doing out of the ordinary things but just doing things.  I guess mainly is that others are taking care of themselves.  How do you stay on track for yourself?  Me?  Well I am just existing.  I think that sums it just right.  I get up and get ready and go to work.  Come home and do what must be done.  Make dinner for hubby, then clean up and return to do the same cycle again.  I guess you could call it ho hum.  As for my eating, well, I am trying to stay on course but in the evening I fall.  Since the wedding I have gained 12 pounds and I can feel it.  Yes I am mad with myself, so what am I doing?  I am back to posting my food but not consistent.  I know what needs to be done but I sort of have the attitude I don’t want to. 

One thing that is on my mind is my father.  He lives in a nursing home and he is a difficult man.  He is one not to get into activities that they have going on there.  He is not an easy person to talk to, he has his opinions but pushing them on others.  He likes to start arguments; he likes to fight with others.  Plus he thinks that everyone around him should cater to his needs at all times.  It was kind of rough growing up with him.  Thank goodness Mom was there to intervene at times.  The only thing is that my mom always waited on him on hand and foot.  Especially when it came to meals.  My mom constantly cooked.  Plus she was a fantastic cook.  I am grateful that my mom taught my sister and I many of her german dishes.  She was born in Germany and when my dad was sent over during World War II is when he met her.  They married and then she had to come back with my dad when he was ordered to return to the United States.  Anyhow, my mom was taught that the women always serve their husbands.  OK I getting off track here, well when I go see my father he constantly complains and orders me to cook certain meals for him.  Every time I visit he strictly tells me do this for him and do that for him.  Now when my sister visits, he doesn’t tell her.  I even said to him, why don’t you tell her to cook and he tells me, nah she doesn’t like to cook no more, so I don’t.  I really think is that I wonder why my sister doesn’t get more involved with him, why is it always me.  She tells me it is hard to visit, since it is a distance, plus she doesn’t have a lot of time.  She is busy with many things.  I guess everyone else thinks that I don’t.  Maybe they are right, I don’t know.  This weighs on me quite a bit.

Anyhow I am trying to get myself out of this funky mood.

 

I need to push myself further for myself.  I need time for just me.

What I want and what I need……time.

Until later…………

Getting back to normal

Trying to read everyone’s post but a bit hard right now.

Work is quite demanding right now and by the time I get home, well, I am tired.  

If anything, now that the holidays are over, everything is put away and all is back to normal, well I am finally back on track.   The holidays have done me in plus with worrying with many issues.  I know, these are just excuses but …..they are excuses.

Now I am just trying to look forward.  Tomorrow is weigh in at TOPS.  

Also I caved in and bought a scale.  Something that I haven’t had in a long time.  So many people have told me to not weigh in everyday but I have decided to do it again.

I felt better knowing how I was doing day to day.  Some people have told me that I was obsessed but I don’t think so.  Anyhow this is what I want to do and I am doing it.

Tis time to head to bed.

Until later…………….

New Year - New Start

Happy New Year to everyone, wow 2014, as everyone has said where has the time gone?

As for me, the holidays were ok.  Unfortunately we had some family issues, they seemed to be resolved but some of the hurt is still there.  Time is still needed I think to heal some of the wounds.

But looking forward, praying and hoping that this will be a good year for us.  If anything, we have started planning the next wedding, which will be in June.  I think I have found a dress, now to shop around to see which store has it, so I could see it in real life.  Truthfully I really need to get moving with this, seems that this manufacturer takes almost three months to get the dress in.

One good thing that I can tell is that my test from my biopsy came in and it is benign.  Plus the test also showed no signs of pre-cancer.  The only thing now that the doctors what me to further investigate is that they are saying that my uterus has dropped.  I just need to see what the next step is.  I am really hoping that this year will be less of doctors.

As for my weight, well that has certainly got pushed to the sidelines.  But I am trying my up most best to get back on track.  I am even trying to find a word for myself for this year to hang onto, strive for, whatever you would want to call it.  I am thinking of ENDURE.  I like this word.  I really like the meaning of it, tolerate, survive, keep on, and persist.  I think that is going to be my 2014 word for me.  ENDURE

I actually went to Kohl’s on Monday and bought a scale.  I haven’t had a scale for quite some time; I only weighed in at TOPS on Thursdays.  I got rid of the scale because I seemed obsessed. I would practically weigh myself everyday, many have told me that it wasn’t a good thing to do but I think it really helped me.  So I am going back to it.   I know that your weight can fluctuate from day to day and with many reasons too.  But I can deal with it.

Well, my Christmas vacation is over, I have been home since Christmas Eve and honestly I want it to be over.  I am ready to move on.  The new year is bringing many obstacles but I think I am ready to achieve them in all ways.

I pray that everyone will have a wonderful year.

Until later……………

 

Just updating

Well I am finally done with Christmas.  I am pleased to state that all the shopping is done, and gifts are wrapped.  Now I just need to go food shopping and I have plenty of cooking to do tomorrow.  The main reason is because on Sunday, my sister and I and some of the kids are going to visit Pop at the nursing home to celebrate Christmas.  Now with Pop, well he is always asking about bringing some homemade food.  Food that he likes which is old fashion German dishes (you would guess so; both of my parents are from Germany).  So tomorrow I am making sauerkraut and bratwurst.  It is one of his favorites.  So that is my day for tomorrow.

On Wednesday I had to see the gynecologist-oncologist because my regular GYN saw something that she didn’t like.  Well this visit ended up me getting a biopsy.  All I can say is O M G, did I see the stars and the moon.  Even with her giving me a shot to numb the area, it still extremely hurt.  Even though it has been two days it still hurts, not as much but it still does, especially when I need to relieve myself.  Hopefully by the end of the weekend it will be much better.  Now the unknown is the worse part.  They told me not to call until next Friday, Dec 27^th.   This is just great with all the waiting.  I am trying very hard not to dwell on this but it is so hard.  Ok enough of that.

Funny with just a few days away for Christmas I still don’t know what is going on.  I spoke to my son today and we probably won’t see them. It seems that they will be visiting her side of the family.  Now I just need to hear from my daughter.  So whatever the case may be, I have decided to make Christmas dinner easy.  So for now I am making a ham, with some spinach, corn and possibly some potatoes.  I haven’t made up my mind if we will have soup or salad.

If anything I am mainly looking forward just having off some days.  This year I am working Christmas Eve, which I usually take off but the boss really wanted it, so he is off and I am working.  I know he really appreciates it.  

So that is about it.

Hopefully I will be back soon, but if not, I would like to wish everyone a happy, healthy and blessed Christmas.  May you enjoy the fun and love with all who are dear to you.

Until later………..

Checking in

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Mine was very nice; I thoroughly enjoyed it since all of my children were here.   Now moving onto the next holiday, Christmas.  I have been quite busy.  Immediately after Thanksgiving, I spent the next three days decorating, which I may say that I did get it all done.  I just love the decorations, which many of them have a sentimental meaning attached to them.  I don’t really nuts but you can certainly tell the holiday spirit is here.  Once that was done I started with the shopping and this is a first in a very long time, I can honestly say I am just about done.  Even with the shopping I have done I even wrapped them up right away.  I must admit it is a good feeling. 

As for my GYN appointment, well the doctor stated that 80 to 85% have cleared up but unfortunately I still need to see a specialist.  Seems that I have a lesion that hasn’t healed.  I still need to use the cream until I see her which is next week on Wednesday.  My doctor stated that she may do a biopsy.  I am praying that everything will be fine. 

Today I called out from work; I was too frightened with the weather.  We got today plenty of snow and hubby has to work much later, so my route to home would have involved walking many blocks.  I am so afraid of falling and with my bad knee…well; my fear got the best of me.  I am grateful that I still had PTO’s left to use and that my boss understands.

As for my weight, well that isn’t going well neither.  I gain a few pounds then lose some.  I guess another reason for not writing on my blog.  I mean come on, who wants to admit that they are not doing what they should be doing.  I just can’t seem to get into my program, or I should say “I just don’t care?”   I will admit that the doctor business is on my mind a lot.  I really need to refocus what matters to me.

You would think especially with the next wedding coming, (my son’s wedding is in June 2014), that I would be more focused.  Trying to get this weight off is mainly for health reasons especially with my leg, but one would think that the wedding would be an extra incentive. 

Well, I need to get moving and get dinner together for hubby.  Today he has to work close to 13 hours, it is so long and I feel so bad for him too, that I try to have a nice hot meal when he gets home.

I pray that everyone is doing well.

Until later………..

Many Blessings

Just a quick post tonight.  I am off the next three days, mainly for tomorrow because I have a GYN doctor visit again.  I am praying that this visit is good, seems that when I went six weeks ago, the doctor didn’t like what she saw during my examination.  So she gave me a prescription, a steroid cream, to use and in hope that the condition would improve.  If not, then I will need to see a specialist for a biopsy.  So that is weighing heavily on my mind.

Last week Hubby and I went to the seashore.  I really can’t remember when I went during this time of the year.  It was nice but we both agreed that we would only go during the spring and summer.  It was quite isolated and hardly any people around.  Also too, most of the restaurants were closed.  But it was still nice to get away.

As for Thanksgiving, I am cooking.  All my children are coming, even the 3 grand puppies.  This should be interesting but will be loads of fun.  I am so looking forward to it.  Then as for the weekend I intend to get all my Christmas decorations up.  Wish me luck.

As for my weight, I am just maintaining, which I am pleased with.  So many have such strong motivation, which I am hoping some it comes my direction to stay on the good path.

Not only I am not looking forward to tomorrow with the doctor, it is also the anniversary of my mother’s passing.  It is the exact day she passed away, the day before Thanksgiving.  So it will be exceptional hard.  Gosh, I miss her so much.

Oh one more thing before I close this post.  I wish everyone a blessed, joyous, happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.  May you enjoy every moment with them.  Plus I am thankful to those I have met thru my blog.

Many hugs,

Finally back

Hi everyone,

It has been too long, not that a lot has happened though. 

As for the wedding, well it was fabulous.  We were lucky, it started to rain a bit in the early evening, which meant not all the pictures could be taken outside as she planned but the photographer got plenty.  She looked absolutely beautiful.  Everyone looked wonderful. One of the highlights was while she was saying her vows to him, she just stared at him and once she was finished she started to cry and then said out loud, “I am so sorry”  ..sniff…sniff…”but I love you so much”.  Well, there was not one dry eye in the place. Also another funny thing though, I was so worried about my shoes being tight that I wore them many days ahead, well just several days before the wedding I actually wore them with socks.  Now on the day of the wedding I go and put them on and guess what, I had stretched them too much, now they were big.  So for the church I had to put paper towels inside so I wouldn’t fall out of them.  LOL…so much for making them comfortable.

Everyone stated that they had a great time.  Plus it is so true, so much planning for one day and before you know it, the day is over.  But even so, I have so many fantastic memories just burned into my heart, which will never fade.

So with that I have had several weeks of rest, or at least wedding rest.  Now I am back on board with the next wedding.  As a matter of fact, last night I went to meet up with my future daughter in law at the bridal shop, to help her pick out her wedding dress.  And yes she got one, so pretty.  So with that I am slowly getting back to wedding and shower mode again.  Soon it will be back to planning another wedding shower, going out to pick out a dress for me, shopping for gifts, etc.   These seven months will go by fast.

As for my weight, well I have maintaining, which I am very grateful for.  I have been gaining a few pounds then taking it off the following week.  Right now I am trying to plan Thanksgiving, all the kids are coming and I am thrilled.  I am trying to make a healthy dinner for all.

Right now I am a bit excited, hubby and I took off Thursday and Friday, so tomorrow we will take an overnight trip.  Not too far, just down to the seashore.  It may be a bit chilly but just going away a wee bit is nice and looking forward to it.

Getting a bit late here, want to get an early start tomorrow. I will try to get back on here real soon.

Many hugs to all, I have been trying to keep up with everyone.

Have a blessed evening.