If things could just stay like this

It is funny how one week can be so horrible and then the next just filled with content and happiness.  Obviously I would be just fine with the content but such is life.

I am please to state that my dad is back in the nursing home and is doing much better.  Even his spirits are good, which for me makes me very happy.  And as for my daughter, she is doing much better too.

Also too my daughter has found her wedding dress, oh my goodness, it is beautiful and she looks amazing in it.  She wants to do some small changes to it but she looks fabulous.  She was beaming from ear to ear; it took a lot to hold back the tears.  It kind of hit me too that my little girl is to be married.   As for my dress, well I think I am going in a few weeks to order mine.  I just can’t seem to pick exactly what color, either wine or cranberry. 

Well our challenge this week is going well with my TOPS group.  I just need to accept that it is always the same few who respond and really try to get into this.  I have told the group about me stepping down; they were not happy but understood the reasoning.  Actually I kind of feel relieved about the whole thing.  I really just want to concentrate on me, which is one of my reasons for even joining the group.  Even though I wasn’t trying my best last week I did manage to lose 2 pounds.  Now I need to get rid of 9 more to get to the weight I was before I had surgery in November.  Right now I am feeling good and confident I will get there again. 

Saturday the kids are coming over to celebrate hubby’s birthday.  I am making dinner and it will be healthy.  I have bought chicken and now looking for a two nice side dishes.  It should be nice.

Funny how when things are going well, my post are not that long but when something happens it could be two pages or more…..

Until later…………………

Trying to re-locate myself

Oh last week was a week of worry, troubled and anxiety.  As I stated before, my daughter was in the hospital with severe stomach pains.  She was released early Monday morning and she was home for the entire week.  She had the pain all week, she felt weak, nauseas, achy, and you name it.  Thank goodness she is starting to feel better.

But it didn’t stop there, late on Monday night my father was rushed to the hospital.  Seems his sugar dropped extremely low and he was experiencing hard time breathing.  Once at the hospital they were able to somewhat stable his sugar but suddenly his blood pressure dropped way too low that they had to put him in ICU.  As of right now he is in a regular room, still trying to control his sugar and giving him antibiotics for the pneumonia.  His blood pressure seems much better too.  I don’t know when they are going to release him though.  I had a long talk with my sister and we need to find another nursing home for him.  He does not like there at all, he even told me that he likes where he is and that the nurses are so nice and he does not want to go back to the nursing home.  This broke my heart hearing him say this, so we need to move swift and quickly to make it better.

As for my eating, well that is certainly out the window.  Plus with everything going on, it just made me realize that I had to resign from being the leader of our TOPS group.  My head is not in the game and it is so very difficult to reach so deep to motivate others while I don’t have the motivation for myself.  Sounds kinda strange even writing it but I truly feel that is the best decision for me.  Also too this weekend I have done some deep searching within me.  I am trying to get out of this funky mood.  That even today I have told myself, even if I am not watching correctly what I should be eating I will still journal my foods.  Hopefully seeing it written down will snap me out of this “just eat what you want” mood.    Hopefully this will work, plus I have been praying a lot to our dear Lord.

I will admit I am looking forward to next weekend.  My dear future daughter-in-law and my son are doing WW.  Anyhow, while talking with her and asking her what are you eating and how does the program work.  She explained everything to me and also said that my daughter was talking to her too about the program.  She said she has been making these simple but delicious so called “muffin meals”, and then asked if she and my daughter can come to my house and we would have a baking day.  Sounded lovely to me, so the two of them are coming Sunday and we are baking plenty and then dividing them up to freeze.  My daughter-in-law sent to me this site that has so many “muffin meals” recipes, I think I am going to make the one labeled as “Egg, bacon and cheese meal muffin”  Once they are made, cooled you can freeze them for on the go grab meal.  Hopefully with all of this I will become more mindful about the program and especially more mindful about me.

Until later…..

Eventful Weekend

An eventful weekend.  Saturday was nice, my dear girlfriend came over and we just spent the day just chatting.  It is so nice to have someone to really talk to, I mean someone you can just really open up with.  We have such a good relationship.  I love her dearly.

Everything was good until Sunday evening when my future son-in-law called telling us that he had to take our daughter to the hospital.  She was vomiting very violently and couldn’t stop.  Hubby and I just paced around waiting to hear what was wrong.  Seems that they told her she had colitis and that she needs to take it easy.  She also needs to follow up with her doctor.  So with being up all night I stayed home today.  I did get some sleep but I am so tired, but if I slept a lot during the day I know I wouldn’t get any rest tonight. 

 

So with that this post will be short. 

As for eating, well I again went overboard. 

Need so much to get it together.

Heading for bed with the attitude I will be strict with myself tomorrow.

Until later………….

Where Am I ?????

Lately I have constantly been thinking “Where Am I”.  I mean I know “where” I am physically but I feel a bit lost of “where” I should be mentally or emotionally.  I also try to remember, is it just the time of the year when I just feel YUCKY.  Again, not physically, but emotionally. 

I think I am trying to stay on track with my eating, but not 100%.  I see myself slipping, not caring, not trying enough I guess.  I wonder why I am like this.  This kind of funky mood.  I am not angry, nor mad, sad, upset, just downright blah.

I am not happy about my weight, it is like I gain a few pounds, then lose the few pounds.  I just wish I could get off this merry go round.  I feel that in my head I have made up my mind and want to do this but I have no energy.  Is that it?  Worse part is that I am pulling everything I got inside of me to motivate my group, but on the other hand I feel such a hypocrite with anything that I should say.  Or like I have nothing left for me.  I sometimes think that maybe I should step down from being leader.  Am I burned out from it?  I did tell the ladies last week that by the end of this month I will let them know if I will run again or will step down.  I will admit some of them are putting some pressure on me to run again.  Truthfully I really don’t want to disappoint anyone, but when I joined the group, I joined for me and no one else.  So I need to sort out my emotions, I really do like everyone there and I don’t want to displease anyone, but then again there I go, trying to please others before me.  Maybe this is what is bothering me.  Like many other times, I wish there was someone in my ear just telling me what I should do.

Until later…………….

Spoiling myself a little

Well the weekend has passed and again it is Monday.  I have always hated Mondays, can’t really explain why but I just do.

Anyhow, this weekend was productive.  Yesterday I was really in the mood to cook and bake.  With no snacks in the house (according to hubby) I needed to make something for him.  I am quite happy though, that he does like the protein bars that I got from a friend.  As a matter of fact I made two batches yesterday, waited for them to cool down, sliced them up and wrapped them and then put them in the freezer. 

Oh and I received a lovely phone call from my future daughter in law.  Her and my son are doing Weight Watchers.  They both have lost 5 pounds from the last two weeks.  So that was our main conversation, plus I told her that I was interested in some of the recipes, so she stated about coming to my house and having a bake day of good foods.  I can’t wait, should be fun.

Also too lately I am in the mood for lots of fruit.  I know it may be a bit expensive but I am thoroughly enjoying fresh cut up fruit from the supermarket.  Everything is cut up already and is in its own juices.  Some may say why do you just buy the fruit and cut it up yourself but I figure it out this way, I really do go out much, I don’t spend money senselessly so why not treat myself to what I do like.  So yesterday I got a 6 pounds bowl of cut up fruit for 26.00.  It has everything in it, strawberries, blueberries, grapes, melon, oranges, grapefruit, pineapple, watermelon and kiwi.  Such a lovely mixture.  That is going to be my treat after dinner for the entire week.

Right now it is snowing and they are predicting that we may get some freezing rain, I certainly hope not.  As I have gotten older seems that the weather conditions, (of course it is just winter) I have develop anxiety because of it.  Funny how when I was younger, I used to wonder about if people liked me.  What they thought of me, etc.  Now being older, well I figure who I am is who I am and if you don’t like me, well that is your problem, and as for the weather I could care less about it.  Well seems that it has switch places. Funny how some things can bother us, no matter what the age.

Well I better get started with my work.

Until later…………

What I need.....

Well I am hoping that reading others blogs will get me more motivated that I have been in the past few months.  With so much more weight to lose, I keep asking myself what I am waiting for.

Yesterday while reading this woman’s blog, well she really hit it on the head.  Just almost like that commercial where a person slaps someone on the head and states “I should have had a V-8”.  Well while reading her blog that is exactly how I felt.  As a matter of fact I used her logic for last night’s meeting at TOPS.  Our meeting was good and we all had a great conversation about it.  Her blog was title “If we did what we know to do”.  Small simple words but with a lot of power.  She continues to say about how we know what we should be doing but why are we allowing ourselves permission to not do it. 

So for right now I am holding onto those words dearly.  I am reminding myself as often as I can, to remember that I NEED to take care of ME, that I NEED/WANT to be healthier.  That I NEED to be happy.  If I am those things, everything around will be brighter and happier.  I truly believe that and I NEED to hold that so close to my heart.

Until later……………

Getting back into the swing of things

Well a new year and hopefully a new me.  At least I can say now things are somewhat back to normal.  Finally and I mean finally I have been released from the breast surgeon.  I had to go back several times for drainage from under my arm.  I came to find out that she didn’t want to put a drainage tube in because of my skin disorder and feared further infection.  So I needed to go through the slow process of healing and had to get it drained every couple of weeks.  My next step is to have a mammo in six months to make sure all is clear and nothing else has developed.

Holidays were nice and I enjoyed being home for 12 days.  Last weekend I packed all the Christmas decorations away.  Always seems funny once you put it all away, the rooms look bigger and empty.  So I immediately decorated for Valentine’s Day.  Now I am just looking forward to spring.  It is this time of the year that I really don’t like.  Gloomy, dark, chances of snow.  I fear the snow, mainly walking and driving in it.  I think if it could be promised to me it wouldn’t snow, I would be such a happy camper.

Also too right now I am happy but not earlier, unfortunately I caught some type of virus.  It certainly got me good.  Many of my co-workers were sick also.  I am grateful though it wasn’t the flu just a heavy dose of a head cold but I actually had to take off from work.  My head was so congested that it made me light headed and dizzy often.  I couldn’t remember having such symptoms before.  Also too with this flu outbreak I haven’t seen my dad at the nursing home.  I got a call last week from them asking that we refrain from visiting.  That many of the residents on his floor have the flu.  Thank goodness I finally got him a phone; at least I can talk to him.  Also I am thankful he is doing ok.  He did have a stomach virus two weeks ago but he is better now.

As for my weight, well since finding out about the surgery until the beginning of the year I gain 14 pounds.  Shameful I know but I think I have finally got my head on straight again.  Last week at TOPS I lost 3 ½ pounds.  So I am just trying to move in the right direction again.  Plus speaking about TOPS, well I am doing a lot of thinking right now.  The ladies are telling me that they want me to continue to be their leader.  I do appreciate the compliments but I really can’t seem to make up my mind if I want to.  I certainly am not going to quit TOPS but I don’t know if I still have it in me to continue to be the leader.  I wish I could just make up my mind. 

The kids are doing well which matters the most to me.  They are busy making their wedding plans and such.  I just wish my daughter would get on the ball with her dress.  I am beginning to get worried about it but you certainly can’t tell her what to do.  She is very high strung and when she is ready, she is ready.   As for my son, well it is tax season and he is starting to get very busy.  Usually this time of year I hardly see him but fortunately do speak to him maybe once a week. 

Hubby is getting better too, especially with Max gone (can’t believe he is gone now for 3 months now).  He still has his picture on the end table with his bell collar.  But if anything he can talk about him without getting choke up.  Hubby is even talking about us going away.  Again I will believe it when it happens.

I am looking forward to this weekend.  My girlfriend and I are going to a wine painting party. My niece and sister went to one after Thanksgiving and they had a blast.  Everyone paints the same picture, something simple but as you paint you enjoy a glass of wine and a small snack.  So my niece found out you can have your own party, well you need a certain amount of people.  So she gathered one.  We are going this Saturday.  Should be lots of fun.  I wonder what we are going to paint. 

Now that I am thinking about it I will be busy at least once a month.  In February I am going to my girlfriend’s future daughter in law bridal shower.  Then in March will be the wedding.  My other girlfriend is throwing a 50^th birthday party for her boyfriend.  My other girlfriend is turning 50 and I am certain her hubby is going to throw a party.  Then before you know it I will be busy with my daughter’s bridal shower.  My goodness, just talking about it makes it almost summer time. 

Well need to get to work, it is that time of year with closing the books from the old year and opening the New Year.  Lots of work needs to get done. 

Until later…………….