Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Day 243 Reaching for hope

Well my life seems to continue with sad news.  I feel so bad for hubby, with losing Max our dog, his buddy, I now had to tell him about the spot that the doctors have found.
I went yesterday to the breast specialist; she stated that I need surgery.  She feels that the lymph node that is enlarged has something to do with my skin disorder.  I couldn’t even pronounce the name let alone spell it, but I have a skin disorder which I constantly get cysts, carbuncles, boils, whatever you want to name it.  There is no cure and the doctors can only reduce or as they say calm them with injections and medications.  Anyhow also too with some of these cysts, some of them can lie deep down into the tissues.  Anyhow she feels that this one lymph node is also cause by this but she cannot be sure unless she removes it.  So as it is surgery is scheduled for Nov 8th.  This particular node is located on my upper right breast towards my armpit.  I must admit I am petrified, scared and many other things.  Of course I fear the worse.  Most important I really don’t want to tell the kids.  They have plenty of things going on and I don’t want to burden them.  But I also know if I kept this from them, well they would be mighty mad.  This Friday I am scheduled to see the anesthesiologist to go over and possible get some tests in preparation of the surgery.   Once they remove the node it will go to the pathologist and the findings will take several days.  I know that is going to be hard to wait for.  I have some many mixed emotions about this all.  I am praying hard that this is the finding that they will come to.  Funny I have cried so much that I feel that I can’t cry anymore but the tears still do flow.  I am trying hard to keep occupied, especially my mind but naturally this thought still comes back.
All I can do now is pray; pray even harder than I usually do.


  1. I'll be praying for you too. Wish I could give you a big hug. Sounds like the doctor thinks she knows what it is so I would trust that and try not to worry (I know easier said than done). Yes probably best to tell the kids plus their support will mean a lot to you in the coming few weeks. Sending more good thoughts and extra hugs.

    1. Thanks so much, with a few knowing about this; I am receiving much support, love and many prayers. Spoke to hubby and we will tell the kids hopefully either this weekend or during next week. I called the doctor this morning and got the name of the whole thing. Don't have it with me now but will probably mention it on my next post. Again thanks for your support and good wishes.
      It means alot to me.