Thursday, November 15, 2012

Day 266 So appreciative

Well the worse is over and I am so grateful, thankful, you name it.  Surgery is over and all went well with that.  But most important is that the result from the surgery is benign.  Seems that my skin disorder/disease is the cause of the whole thing.  When I go on Tuesday back to the surgeon she will explain everything to me of this disease.  Something in regards that the infection this time and gone deep rooted or something like that.  Unfortunately this disease has no cure; this is something that I must deal with for the rest of my life.  Truthfully I have been dealing with it for close to 40 years.  I already know about it, I have gone countless times to the dermatologist for some answers and it always comes out the same.  I could continue to go to the dermatologist only for when there is an outbreak or when the lesions are flared up.  I have already done this last year for 8 months, it just becomes so tiring.  But if anything I am thankful that it wasn’t breast cancer.  I actually had myself thinking that I wouldn’t be around for the kids wedding and such.  Boy oh boy can the mind really convince you when thinking about the unknown.   But this is now in the past and I need to refocus onto the future. 
My son called this morning and asked if hubby and I would like to go out for dinner tomorrow night.  I told him that would be nice but it wasn’t necessary, I am happy as a bug just when my kids come to visit, but that is what they want to do.   Oh and as for the holidays, well only if they should bring up the subject I will speak my mind but in a gentle way.  I certainly don’t want any arguments or hurt feelings from this all.  It is not worth it to me, but I will state that I am disappointed but I am over that.  I just hope that they and I mean “both” of them; maybe I am hoping in my mind that “she” will truly understand.  Who knows? 
The ladies from TOPS have been so kind and thoughtful.  I did write them a letter (through email) and explained everything and of how I am feeling.  The incision site is still sore and a bit red, which I told the surgeon.  The only thing is that also at this site it is very hard.  The surgeon stated that I maybe holding fluid behind the incision that it may be possible that she may have to do a simple procedure to drain the fluid.  I will find out on Tuesday.  The surgeon also was surprised that I went back to work so quickly, but I explained that I had to, not for work purposes but for my mind, in regards about waiting for the results.  She understood immediately.  So work has kept me busy but when I go home I am truly tired.  I am hoping that this will improve in time.  Tonight I am going to see my dad.  I didn’t tell him anything because I didn’t want him to worry plus I know he would get things mixed up and then he would worry more.  I just know he is thinking that I am mad at him for not seeing him for over a week but once I explain all should be good. 
So as it stands for thanksgiving it looks like it will be just hubby and me.  So I was thinking I might ask hubby to bring the xmas decorations up and I will try to get a head start with them.  That maybe even on thanksgiving I may do the window and get it done with.  He already told me not to cook that we would just make it simple.  He even mentioned about going out.  I will admit it will feel strange but on the other hand it is one less thing to be concern about if I have enough, trying to make something that everyone really like, etc.  I did tell my dear girlfriend about no one coming and I think she felt sorry for us because she keeps asking has anything changed.  I just told her that it may be possible that my daughter and her finance may come, that made her feel better.  She is just a sweetheart. 
Also I am so thankful for so many of my friends for their support, comfort, prayers, kind words and good wishes.  This is where I am truly blessed by our heavenly father.   Which in my prayers hope he blesses them and their families.
I am so grateful………………..

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