Day 36

So far so good, got the kitchen cleaned and the powder room cleaned and now need to make a
shopping list.  Slowly but surely I am trying to get things in order in my bedroom.  It is now fully painted and soon I will be able to move back into that room.  Then I can finally fix my sunshine room which was my daughters room.  My sunshine room is going to be my crafts and hang out room.  I will have a small TV plus my exercise bike plus a small desk to do some of my crafts.  I still have the small wing chair from my dad's house, just need to clean it up and get it upstairs.  Hopefully once my auditors are done, they start next week and hopefully will be done in mid May, then I can start taking my Fridays off for the summer.  I am hoping that I can then start fixing up the first floor with painting and lots of touch up.  My major goal is to get things all in order by the time the wedding is here.  So I have a big plan and lots to do in 18 months.
 
Yesterday I was doing so good until after I went shopping at CVS.  I had a coupon for 25 % off my entire order plus another 3.00 off so I thought I would use this for Easter shopping.  Even though my kids are all grown up I still make them real small baskets.  So I did buy some candy and chocolates.  Plus I got a little for hubby, he loves jelly beans and coconut eggs.  Well I saw it sitting on the table  and thought ah just a little, well that little wind up to be a lot.  I am so pissed off with myself, plus not eating that kind of stuff, well it certainly didn't sit well in my stomach.  Ok lesson learned I just wish I would remember the lesson.  So later today I am going to make up the baskets and put it clear wrap on it so I don't tempt myself again.  I don't need that kind of stuff.  That is what I need to keep saying to myself.  I have also been listening to some healthy lectures on CDs that I purchased some years ago.  I was hoping I could use some of the quotes and comments for our meetings.  I am trying to re-listen to them to get them really suck in my head and keep up with my motivation.

Well I need to keep moving, when I sit too long I intend to really slow down.

Until later....

Day 35

I am feeling really pumped today. Yesteday was an awesome day.  I just felt great and the day even ended great.  Last night at TOPS weigh in I lost 5.75 pounds.  Just super, I am thankful I lost my birthday celebration gain and plus more.  Even more exciting is that I am in the next lower tens.  WOOHOO…..  Also too last night our leader was going over the dates for the next several weeks and she stated that she would be away one week that she asked the ladies if they would mind if I took over that meeting and it was unanimous.  So now I need to prepare something really good.  I was thinking since last night many were discussing about attitude and trying to get motivated I thought that this area is what I will address.  So with that I will try to look for some motivating tips, quotes and try my best to get them all charged up…..I certainly pray that God will give me that strength.  Also too, to top things off even better, my neighbor came last night and really liked it and decided right then and there to join, so she did.  Double WOOHOO…..

Right now I am on top of the clouds of the way things are………I just couldn’t be any happier.  As a matter of fact it is very hard to concentrate on my work which is plentiful, but then again I am very grateful that I do have my job.  Which I must get started on now.

Until later……………

Day 34

Wow, most of the time I seem to complain about the time, of how slow it goes, especially during the work week but now it is WOW it is Thursday.  I am a bit excited again for tonight but this week’s reasoning is that my neighbor, very nice woman is going to see how our meetings are and I feel very strongly that she will join our lovely group.  This will be absolutely super, not only for her but for me also.  Like I told the ladies in the group, that I would be happy to take the leader position but it is mainly for me, I am willing to help but it must also help me.  Now with my neighbor joining, I will have support all around me.  I am so lucky and a blessed girl. Might sound a bit selfish, but I have made up my mind this is how it must be.  Also too having a lovely chat with my sister that I wrote to her this morning via email.  I started thinking that I will send to her, my motivational quotes, and maybe some time later will send to her some of my research that I will use at future meetings.  This way it will give her some insight that she may not know or needs a refresher and then she can tell me how my presentation looks.  This will be a win – win situation. 

I can’t believe that this is day 34 for me……I think I need to review some past post and make sure my head is on right.  I believe I am but I need to reassure me.

I certainly hope that I drop those few pounds that I have gained over my birthday celebration.  That would just make my night complete. 

Day 33

I can’t believe how quickly the day has gone by.  I was off today for Pop’s birthday and also to take him to his doctor appointment.  So I went over his apartment early and he was taking a shower.  After he was done I gave him his present and we talk a bit, mainly about his finances, which I take care for him.  Before you knew it my sister arrived.  She took care of his medication; Pop takes so many pills that he himself can’t keep them straight.  So my sister comes over and prepares his meds in one of those weekly pill containers, this way he knows what to take in the morning and what to take at night.  Anyway afterwards we took Pop to lunch and then headed to the doctors.  Once we took Pop back home my sister came over to my house and we had a nice visit with each other.  I often wish we would get together more often, but I guess time and distance is our enemy.

Hubby left to go see Bruce Springsteen concert, his so loves his songs and was so excited.  Hubby actually took off this week because he will be home late.  Oh and he and the kids will go and see Bruce tomorrow too.  I hope he has a great time.

As for me well talking with my sister I was telling her about TOPS and stuff and she commented how she would like to drop some weight but doesn’t have the motivation and feels her will is not there.  So I made a suggestion about how I will email her, this is usually how we communicate with each other, that I would email her more often with support.  I hope it works because I feel deep down by passing motivation on to others will help keep me more motivate.  Well if anything it is a plan and planning is the key.

Until later……………..

Day 32

I slept pretty good last night and feeling good this morning.  Already had my breakfast and now drinking my 40 ounces of diet green tea.  I also have my lunch which is soup.  So as of right now I am set for the day. 

Yesterday was fun; my daughter called and asked if I could take her and her maid of honor to a bridal shop.  Main reason is that her and her friend doesn’t drive and this shop was quite some distance.  So of course mom doesn’t say no and off we went.  My daughter has this particular dress in mind for the girls and of course with her researching, (which she does quite well) found a place that actually has the dress.  Maid of honor tried it on and so far it is a yes to the dress.  Tonight, hopefully the other girls will see it and try it on and will like it also.  I know it is very early, (wedding is not until October 2013) but the girls are willing to get it now, also they stated that this way the expense is out of the way.  That’s their decision.  I looked a bit at some for me but really didn’t like anything.  It seems that this shop has the “OLD” type of mother of the bride.  I certainly don’t want to look like the great-great grandmother of the bride.  They had the usually long dresses with the long box cut jackets with the sequins on the jacket and stuff.  Nah…not for me……I am looking at something simpler with just a bit of a sassy look. But most important I want to lose some more weight……this is one of my goals and I believe I will do it.

Until later……………………..

Day 31

Finally I am at work; this morning was an early and busy morning.  Out of the house by 6:20 fully dressed for work and has my lunch packed.  Went and picked up POP (my father) and took him to his dermatologist appointment.  Gotta love this doctor, POP’s appointment was at 7:00 am but the doctor is there 15 minutes early and he is willing to take us.  So I had POP back at his place by 7:20 and then I shoot off to work.  Even as I sit here I feel I have done a lot this morning.

Tried another recipe yesterday and hubby really likes it.  I made meatloaf with panko flakes (Japanese bread flakes)…less calories and I feel gives it a better flavor.  Even though I figured out the calories thru Spark.com it still was a bit lower than using regular bread crumbs.  Next time I want to use ground turkey….it will be much healthier.  Also I made an applesauce bread/cake and hubby really like that also.  So my recipe box is growing and I am enjoying trying to find different and better meals and snacks for us.

Things this week should be somewhat calm.  Wednesday I am off because 1.  POP has another doctor appointment and 2.  It is his birthday……dude is going to be 91.  Today the doctor asked him if he had a goal of getting to 100 and POP said of course, I came this far why stop now.  I tell you my dad is a real character.  But believe me he certainly can be a handful.  I just pray daily to the Lord above to give me the patience with him.  Most of the time I really try hard to let things just roll off my back but sometimes I will breakdown.  There is a host of reasons but I just pray to get through as much as I can. 

Well I need to get started with this pile of papers.

Until later……………

Day 30

Oh do I feel so much better.  Unfortunately I was unable to do anything yesterday.  My stomach and head hurt so much.  I only ate homemade soup (which I was so thankful I had some in the freezer) and a few slices of toast.  Drank some tea but mostly just lay around, only if I was not in the bathroom.  After church today, hubby and I went to breakfast, OMG was it ever so good.  Even the tea tasted fantastic.  Now I just finished looking up a low calorie applesauce cake.  According to SPARK.COM with a few tweets on the recipe, I use splenda instead of sugar.  I was able to bring the calorie intake lower.  After I make it I want to see how big the cake is, according to the recipe, it calls for 14 servings, I will see maybe I could get more. 

Ah I sometimes wish the weekends were longer, being sick one day sure cuts out of doing things that I wanted to accomplish this weekend.  Well, I am going to do my best.  I will admit I do have such a loving hubby; he is on vacation this week and just told me to take it easy.  That he will do some house cleaning this week, while he is home.  He is wonderful and I love him dearly.

Well, I am off to make this recipe, hope it comes out ok.

Until later…….

Day 29

Felling absolutely lously.  So sick in my stomach and head is hurting real bad.  Going to go and lay down again.  Wish that this would be all over.  Tried real hard to constantly wash hands and stuff especially at work.  Several people were sick with the stomach virus.  I hope no one else gets this.
Need to go back to bed.

Day 28

Voting was last night at TOPS and I am now leader of our chapter.  I am so excited.  I really hope and pray that I can help and motivate the women from my chapter.  Also too I hope and feel that this will really motivate and boost my spirit too.  I just feel that God has put this all in front of me and I was to grab it and hold on tight.  All the tools and support is all at my fingertips, I would be so stupid if I didn’t utilize this all to my advantage.  I am so so grateful for it all.

I have so many ideas; I hope the group likes them.  I have been researching different information to share with them.  I pray it all goes well.

Oh and as for my weigh in, well I knew I would have a gain.  I know exactly what I did this past week.  I know what my weakness are now and I must try somehow or some way to control them or conquer them.  For this week I had a 2 pound gain.  But that is NOT going to happen next week.  I am on the wagon for sure and I am not making any pit stops this coming week. 

I was hoping the weather would be nice this weekend because I really wanted to work outside in the back yard.  It really needs a cleanup from this past winter.  I also wanted to start bringing out all my spring and summer decorations for the yard.  Also I wanted to bring out my solar lanterns; at night it is so pretty to see that soft glow in the flower beds. But the newscast stated that we are going to get rain for the entire weekend.  If so, I guess it will have to wait to next week. 

Funny at the beginning of the week it seemed that it was moving slowly but wow, it is now Friday.  Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Until later…………….

Day 27

I will admit I am a bit antsy today.  Tonight is elections/voting.  Deep down I really want this……I feel that this has been presented in front of me and I am supposed to grasp it like a gold ring while riding a merry-go-round,  Not to get too religious, and with so many tools out there to assist me, I feel that this fate and I am to pursue it.

I went last night to the play in town with my dear friend.  OMG…we had a great time and we laughed so hard.  It really was a wonderful time, just wish I didn’t have to get up early, would have loved to stay in bed until my body was ready to get up.

Again I had breakfast and now finishing my 40 ounces of fluid.  I have got tons of work to do, as usual.  Not much more happening, which in turn can be a good thing and a good day.

Until later…………….

Day 26

Kind of bleak out today but it is supposed to get better.  Tonight a dear friend and I are going to see a play here in town, looking forward to that.  I spoke to her last night and we have agreed that we are NOT going out for dinner, which I am so happy about.  Instead I will be picking up some sandwiches from the corner store across from where I work.  Then I will head up to her house to eat and then leave from there to the theatre.  Getting those sandwiches will give me much better control.  This corner store makes wonderful, healthy sandwiches, as a matter of fact I just may get a salad instead, and their salads are great.

Yesterday was a lovely day, many people sending good wishes to me.  I also got beautiful flowers from dear hubby.  It is funny, in the beginning of our relationship he constantly sent flowers, then once the kids came, well a lot of things took priority, now with them gone and on their own, well he is rekindling the relationship, which is so nice.  Guess I will keep him for another 30 years…..hahaha

Just finished breakfast and I am feeling pretty good.  I do dread tomorrow for weighing in but am excited about the voting.  Hopefully I will find out tomorrow what the outcome is.  Oh and I was researching last night and came across some cool sites in regards about fruits and vegetables.  I saved them but need to read them through.  I need to refresh my memory of the different kinds of fruit and veggies that are out there, plus one of the sites makes a list of what is in season.  Oh and I also came across a site in regards about bananas.  If you really like bananas and also have a craving for ice cream, well just freeze the bananas in chunks, then put them in a blender and puree them, OMG it is just like soft ice cream.  The next time I will add some strawberries………what a treat it was.  Unfortunately you can only do this when you want it but it is so worth it.

Until later………….

Day 25

Ah the first day of spring.  What a beautiful day today is, I really would be so happy to be out and about instead of sitting here in work.  Especially today because it is my birthday.  But, like everyone else you need to make the money to survive.  One thing though is that when it is so nice out, I tend to be a clock watcher.  Just watching the minutes until quitting time, which for me is four o’clock. 

Not much more happening, trying to stay on track here, which can be hard, especially when the company has outside meetings held in here, then they have breakfast or lunch meetings which in turns means…..food.  So when the meetings are over, the food is brought into the kitchen to share with the rest of the staff.  And believe me the food is yummy.  Bagels, muffins and pastries to die for.  One thing that does help some is reading other blogs.  There is this one blogger, a man, who really puts it out there.  He really makes me think, especially of the way he convey his points or ideas.  Sometimes or I will say most of the times he can be very blunt and crude, but I don’t take any offense to it, but it will make me think.  I believe some other people don’t really take in his line of reasoning and just read how he wrote whatever his topic is about, mainly about eating or how you should diet, whatever.

I took out a very small turkey breast to thaw out, so that is for dinner tonight.  A friend maybe stopping by, I hope so for dinner.  It would be so nice to see her.  We’ll see what happens.

Until later……………….

Day 24

Ah Mondays, they come around so fast, but I was thinking this morning as I was coming into work.  If I didn’t have this type of structure, what would I be doing?  Just knowing that I must go to work, well it is just that I MUST.  If I were home all the time, I know that there are things that must be done but it is really not structured.  Things that must be done can still be done at “another time”.  I don’t know if I have that type of discipline to keep that type of routine.  Gosh this is hard to write down sometimes exactly what you are feeling.  Then it got me thinking about discipline, that is what I need to move forward with my weight journey.  I know the whole bit about planning and such, but still you need discipline.  I need to get into my head dedication like how I am with work.  My work is a reflection of me, then why can’t my weight journey be a reflection of me.  I need to sit and plan more for me and only me. 

Yesterday I went to church with my daughter at the church they plan to marry.  Oh my gosh, the church is absolutely beautiful.  I just love those older churches, beautiful columns, paintings on the ceiling, marble steps, huge gorgeous statues, awesome stained glass windows.  I also met the priest who gave the sermon; he was very nice and welcoming.  As mass was going on I was picturing her walking down the aisle with her father.  I actually started to get tears in my eyes.  Yes I guess I will be balling my eyes out when the day comes, such a sissy I am.  Then while sitting listening to the sermon, I suddenly thought of my mom and then more tears.  I pray that she will be watching as her little granddaughter becomes a wife.  Oh boy, I need to stop cause I starting up again.

As for food, I ate practically nothing yesterday, not because I wanted to cut out the calories but I just couldn’t.  With all the food from the day before, well I was so bloated I just couldn’t.  I drank a lot, hoping it would flush things out of me, but still nothing has happened.  I am hoping things will get a bit better today.  I have just finished my breakfast and now working on finishing my first 40 ounces of fluid.

Need to get started with my work………….got a lot to do……….as I said ………discipline………….

Until later……………….

Day 23

So quickly the weekend goes by and now already it is Sunday.  Woke up feeling really lousy and I know why.  Well, we went out last night and even though I always enjoy being with everyone, meaning my family, well I did it again.  I over indulged.  Dinner was good.  I had the grilled salmon with asparagus and brown rice.  I didn’t eat all the rice, it seemed very dry so I only ate half.  The salmon and asparagus were very good.  But unfortunately I didn’t stop there.  Oh, we did have appetizers, which were chicken and cheese between two flour tortillas, popcorn shrimp and guacamole with tortilla chips.  Then of course we all ordered cheesecakes and they (the waitresses) sang happy birthday to me.  When we left I was already feeling bloated.  I slept well but woke up feeling ah not so good.  Funny thing though is that hubby felt the same way too.  He had a deluxe cheeseburger with fries.  We spoke a bit, while he was at work, and we discussed how we are feeling.  He actually agreed with me that eating like this is not our style anymore.  I think he maybe on board with eating healthy.  So even though we both over indulged this was a good lesson. 

I am doing loads of wash, mainly my clothes and then I will be heading over to my daughters house.  She called and asked me if I would like to go to her church, this will be the church that she and her fiancée will be married.  So we will be going to the Sunday evening mass.  My daughter and I have always, I guess have had a good relationship but we also have had our differences too.  Ah sometimes too many to count of our arguments.  But I will admit now that she is on her own and I guess you could say, since we are apart, we have actually become much closer.  She always stated that when she would move out she would see me only on occasions but actually I see her and speak to her quite often.  I don’t always call but she does, which makes me feel really good. I am always happy to be with my children.

Tis time for me to keep moving.

Until later……………….

Day 22

Started the day bright and early.  I had to take the car to the shop for the usual, oil change and such.  Afterwards I headed to CVS, mainly because I had a 20% off entire purchase coupon.  Even with today’s technology a person still needs to be diligent with everything.  As I was leaving I am looking at my receipt and realized that I didn’t get the full 20%.  Of course I turned myself around and went back and finally spoke to the manager.  She apologized and finally it was fixed, I know it may not be a lot but we are talking over 5.00.  I sometimes wonder how many people will take all this modern technology for granted and believe it is always right.  Certainly not me, especially with today as an example.

Just finished talking with my neighbor and I must admit it felt really good, because she has complimented me on my weight loss.  Also she has asked me many questions about TOPS and asked if she could come with me to one of our meetings.  Truthfully it would be awesome to have a nearby buddy.  Someone to talk to, possible give each other the encouragement.  I hope she really wants this and will join me in my new crusade. 

I can’t believe how long we were talking.  I mean it was several hours.  I really need to get moving and get some housework done before hubby comes home.  We are meeting the kids tonight at the Cheesecaske Factory to celebrate my birthday.  I have already decided to pick something from their “Skinny licous Menu” but I have also decided that I am going to have one of their strawberry/banana daiquiris.  OMG they are just so delicious.  Tomorrow will be a busy day.  I have tons and I mean tons of laundry to do.  So I believe I will be spending the entire day in the rec room.  One thing good is that it will keep me away from the kitchen, which I have the tendency to pick when I am on the first floor.  It has to be a lot for me to climb the stairs (my knee hurts so badly when I do) so if I stay downstairs I am further away from the devil………

Until later………………….

Day 21

As the old saying goes “T G I F”.  Funny, on one hand the week went by pretty quick and then again I feel “finally it is Friday”.  Also too that comes to my head is why are we wishing always for Fridays….It can be kind of sad always wishing for Fridays, really what is wrong with say…..Wednesday or Monday…..absolutely….nothing.   I need to really enjoy each day as they are given to me. 

Ok, off of that thought right now.  Well last night was TOPS weigh in and of course I could feel what the outcome on that would be…..well I gained 3 pounds…..3 friggin pounds.  I know exactly what I did to get those 3 pounds….and yes NOW I am mad about it……but still…did I really think about how the outcome would be at the moment of eating…………..stuff………stuff that I know is full of high calories, full of sugar…..full of fat……..maybe briefly but it still did not stop me from indulging.

Part of me just wants to stop going out.  I enjoy going out with friends, love ones, but it always seems to revolve around food.  I have been thinking about this more and more, probably because I have been going out more and more.  Even yesterday, my future son-in –law called and asked if he could meet up with me at lunch.  I don’t get the opportunity to see my kids often, so I take every moment with them I can.  So of course I said yes.  When he arrived he stated he wanted to go out for lunch and wanted to treat me for my upcoming birthday.  So of course we went nearby to an Italian restaurant.  We ordered a wheat pizza, my half had spinach and his half had meatballs.  Very thin pizza and very good.  I didn’t order any soda or even iced tea, I just drank water.  So in all it was a somewhat good selection, but now here is the downfall……portion control.  The pizza is a 16 inch pie, which in turn he had his half and I had mine.  Uh Oh…..not good.   So add this onto Wednesday anniversary breakfast, Sunday bridal brunch and viola…………3 pounds.   Ah and now tomorrow the family is taking me out to the CheeseCake factory.  Then I know next week on Tuesday, a friend that I work with, well, we always take the other person out for their birthday.  Do I just accept this all and try to stay on track when I am NOT out?  I am not going to throw the towel in, just because of my birthday, but it is frustrating not getting myself under better control……..why am I not working better through this?????

Until later…………….

Day 20

So happy it is a new day, I am beginning to appreciate that thought more and more.  A new day is always a fresh start.  To begin again, I am very grateful that the lord gives me a new day.  With all of that, it also pertains to achieving my new way of life. 

Tonight is weigh in at TOPS, unfortunately we will not have a meeting because our meetings are held at church, and tonight confirmation ceremony is scheduled.  So we must leave by a certain time.  So the best we can do is at least go and get weighed.  With my mess up this week, I am so hoping to stay the same, which in all would be a blessing.

Last night hubby told me that we are going out this Saturday, the kids are coming, this is to celebrate my birthday, which is next week.  Again I am challenge (now I am beginning to hate this), which is going out to eat.  I am really trying hard to control myself.  When I get the chance I am going to look up the menu.  They want to take me to the CheeseCake Factory.  OMG, they have the best strawberry daiquiri ever.  I believe they (the restaurant) now must show the calorie intake for their meals, I certainly hope so.  Maybe that will keep in check.  Only God knows………………..

Until later………………

Day 19

I certainly did NOT do well this morning.  My company held an anniversary breakfast at one of the hotels here in center city.  It was a lovely breakfast with many selections and of course hardly anything that is low calorie.  So of course with my NO will power in regards about eating out still holds true.  Not that this is any consolation of the situation, but I am so full that I did not have any lunch.  I just could not eat anything; all I had was a cup of tea.  Actually I have decided, at least now that I am not making dinner, all I will do is make something for hubby.  As a matter of fact, last night’s dinner was very good and low calorie. I made sautéed spinach with lots of seasonings and on top was tortellini’s.  With it I made some cucumber salad.  Still have some left so it looks like leftovers for hubby.

With such a large breakfast, I just want to go home.  It is absolutely beautiful outside that I could picture myself either sitting on our back porch or even doing some light yard work.  I would just love it being home with all the windows opened in the house.  Ahhh…….to dream

Until later…………..

Day 18

I am finally feeling better with the hour change.  I got some serious sleep last night and I know my body is thankful for that.  Also too, being back on track is now becoming a wonderful feeling.  I really need to hold onto this, I certainly do hope that someday this feeling will stay within me, especially when going out to eat.  Why do I lose control, right now I can’t seem to control the urge, why I let myself go like that.  Anyway, I was a bit worried about dinner last night because hubby was home.  When he is off he will make dinner and have it all ready when I come home.  This is the only time we have dinner, I guess you could say at a decent time.  With his schedule, he is done work at 7 and gets home at 7:30.  So usually we don’t eat until that time or later.  For us it is a long day, we both get up @ 5; leave the house around 6:15.  I get home around 5, which gives me plenty of time to do things around the house and prepare dinner.  Anyhow, he made kielbasa and sauerkraut.  I watch the portions of the kielbasa and as for the sauerkraut, well that is so low on calories I had plenty.  Hubby likes his on a Kaiser roll but I won’t eat the bread.  So all in all, my calories for the day were good.  I know the sodium is probably not, but I can only do one thing at a time….

After dinner, I went upstairs mainly to do some ironing, my clothes for the week and also did some sewing.  So for the week I am done, good feeling too.

Tonight I want to try to get some things done in the house that I would probably leave for the weekend.  Let’s see what happens……

Oh and the leader of my TOPS group and I have been emailing each other in the morning……..extra motivation…………I hope it continues, if anything keeps me honest.

Got lots to do here at work………better get moving on it.

Until later……………………..

Day 17

I truly understand the concept of daylight savings time but it certainly puts a wrench into my body clock.  It usually takes several days to get “back on track”.

My body is dragging, I know I got sleep but even with that I went to bed the usual time but I didn’t get to sleep over an hour later and I am feeling it today.

Yesterday I went to the bridal expo with my daughter and the girls.  OMG It is beautiful, so eloquent and classy.  This is where the wedding reception will be.  The kids booked it last week.  It was great seeing the area plus seeing it for real really brings it to a reality.  Now I can’t wait for the wedding.

Now speaking about all of this, boy it sure did screw me up.  I have no one to blame but myself.  Not only was their other vendors there, there was also the catering service that will be doing the kids wedding.  So of course I sample quite a bit.  OMG the food was delicious and fantastic.  I am on track today but again not only with the hour difference and now with all these rich foods, my body doesn’t know who the heck it is.  Obviously I am at work but I so want to go home and just sleep. 

Oh and again, going out there just goes my control power.  I told the kids I am NOT going out of the house this coming weekend.  Also too I want and need to do so much in the house.  I have been buying little things to prepare and fix up not only in my bedroom but also the spare bedroom (the one I am making into my crafts/sewing room).  I so much just want to get this done.  Spring is so close and I know there is plenty of yard work coming up and I don’t want the upstairs to be hanging over my head.  I was thinking on the way to work this morning that I need to push myself to do small tasks during the week and this way will not seem so overwhelming on the weekend.  I just need to keep reminding myself to move, move and move some more.  Maybe moving more will help burn a little more of the over indulged calories from yesterday.

Oh and I came across this dress, I really really like it.  This should give me more of an incentive to lose more weight.  I think the dress is classy and not so much of the layered look like the usually “mother of the bride” dresses.  This dress comes in many different colors but I am leaning towards the brown.  Mainly because the wedding will be in the fall and the color scheme will be fall colors.  She is leaning towards having the girl’s dresses in like a burnt orange and yellow.  I prefer the darker color over the lighter ones because the sparkles on the upper torso and broach seem to stand out more than the lighter colors.  I don’t know, I know I have plenty of time to think about colors.

Obviously I am at work and I need to get much done.

Really looking forward to lunch, don’t know why but I am…..hmmm…

Until later…………..

 

Day 15

Getting up late is not my style.  I really need sleep mainly because I went to bed way too late which is because I was out last night with my daughter and her future mother in law.  We wind up going out for dinner which is very bad for me.  I tried to pick healthy items but the portions control I have NO control of myself.  Also being lent which really has no bearings, well maybe some, I choose to have fish.  So I had the seafood combo, which is flounder, shrimp, mussels all steam or broiled, so no breading and with it I had mixed vegetables, steamed and rice pilaf.  All of this stuff is good but my downfall was the salad bar.  I don’t know why I pile it all on, is it that I want to get my money’s worth, or is it that the salads are good and I don’t make them anymore.  I really don’t know.  What I do know is that I do not have good control of myself at these places.  Hopefully in time I will learn and adjust or even compromise in this area.  One thing though I am sort of proud that I am taking time out with myself to even investigate or put this in my mind or what I am really saying is that I am more aware of what I am doing or at least more aware of what I should be doing.  Right now I know that this is one of my weakness areas.  So if anything I know I went over on my calorie intake for yesterday.  I am going to try to really watch it for today and the rest of the week.  I want to have some type of loss next Thursday.  Tomorrow I really must be diligent because of the bridal expo that we are going to.  Hopefully there may not be so much available like last week.  Last week’s expo we had to pay 50.00 a piece while for tomorrow it is free, just as long you registered.

On one piece of happiness is that the kids have officially booked the church and the hall for the wedding.  So one piece is done and off everyone mind.  Now it is really real, my baby is getting married.  Possibly with this in my mind this will keep me straight and focus because I really want to look my best as the “mother of the bride”.  May seem superficial but if that is going to help me so be it.  I know deep down I want to be healthy but at this point I will take any motivation I can.

Sometimes I think why I haven’t done something before, why have I waited this long……………..hmmm……………..something I should just let go.

Until later……………

Day 14

Right now all I can say is T G I G…..funny how some weeks seem to fly by and others just drag on and on.  This week seemed to be one of them……….dragging.  But I certainly know that the weekend will buzz right on by.   (Especially since we lose one hour…….uggh)  I am happy though that hubby will be home tomorrow.  I hope that I can finally get my furniture back in the master bedroom.  All I need to do is just mop the hardwood floors.  I am really getting tired going to all the other rooms for my stuff.  I will admit though I really think the bedroom came out really pretty.  It is going to feel so nice with the new bedroom linens, comforters and big pillows.  Once that is done then I can go back to my daughter’s old bedroom and finish transforming that into my crafts room.  I truly love my kids but now with them out of the house it is kinda nice to spread it out and make things to our liking and wants.

Well last night at TOPS I lost 2 pounds, which don’t get me wrong I am very happy but honestly I was hoping for more.  I really need to get out of my head that big drop that I think ….hmmmm…that I want or deserve???   Why do I think that way?????   2 pounds is good, slow and steady is the right way.   I guess maybe reading some other blogs makes me think that I am taking the easy way out by going slow????   I need to keep reminding myself that all I need to do is stay on course. Oh and I really want and need to do good for next week because if so I will officially be in the next set of tens, (currently I am 280) and another thing is that I am just five pounds away from 275, don’t know why but I am always counting in my head quarters or sets of 25……dumb I know….

Last night some of the other women (as we were leaving) were stating to me that they are happy that I am going for the position of leader, which made me feel good.  I just hope that I can fulfill their expectations of me, which in turn has me quite nervous.  I mean I was a Girl Scout leader many many years ago but that is so much different.  I was leading a bunch of girls, who had to listen to me and do what I was asking of them.  This is beyond so much different, I want to help but will they accept my help, my suggestions, etc.  I just want to do well…..I can’t help it this is just me……I need to stop and breathe…………………

Until later………………

Day 13

What a beautiful morning……not so cold, maybe a bit windy, but the sun is shining, how can anyone be blue.  I am looking forward to TOPS tonight; I hope I am not getting my hopes up too high.  Deep down inside I am anticipating of losing a good amount of weight, but I keep telling myself even if it is just one pound, one pound is much better then gaining one pound.  I feel a bit antsy and I want the day to go fast to find out, I need to get things in perspective and just calm down. 

Funny thing this morning, I come down and hubby is in the kitchen getting his lunch and stuff.  Well, he looks at me and says “Oh, so you have on your Las Vegas shirt”.  I turned around and said "What did you say"?  He stated again and I said you’ve never told me that before?  So kiddingly I turned to him and said “so are you saying I look sexy?”  He turns and looks at me and starts laughing.  I never thought that my shirt looked “Las Vegas” style.  My shirt is a sleeveless long grey shirt with small silver studs covered in the front.  It is cut in the front on an angle down to the hip; with it I wear my ¼ sleeve black light weight sweater/cover.  I will admit I did put on more jewelry than usually, but I never thought it looked sexy.  It is not that anything is revealing.  Oh well, he made my day.  Even as I type this I am smiling. 

I am proud of myself, so far the past two weeks I have made dinners that were less than 500 calories for the both of us.  Every night I have asked hubby if he likes what I have made and is he satisfied when he is done.  And the answer has been YES……so far I am accomplishing my mission.  Usually I don’t plan that far in advance with dinners and such, but I am going to try to plan the entire week for next week.  I must admit planning ahead sure does make things simpler.  In the past, with the kids and stuff, I would try sometimes but just couldn’t get my head into it.  Maybe I was fighting the idea, well it doesn’t matter what happened in the past, I now need to focus on the future. 

Until later…………

Day 12

Wow these days are just zipping by, especially when I am reflecting on them.  Day 12 writing this blog….zeeesh.  If I think about it too much, the wedding will be here instantly.   Anyhow I had a good day yesterday.  I stopped and visited my Dad, and like usually he offers me cookies and a pie that he got from dinner.  Oh I need to explain a bit, my father who will be 91 at the end of this month, lives in independent and dependent living facilities.  It is very nice, my dad, fortunately is in the independent living area.  He has a small but cute apartment.  It has a kitchenette, a great room (his table and chairs with also his living furniture with the entertainment center) then he has a nice size bedroom and a full bathroom.  This facility has a medical staff 24/7 and his apartment is equipment with emergency cords, also he gets a full dinner in the dining hall and if he does not show up (unless he tells them he will not be there) the staff will investigate why he did not show up for dinner.  My sister and I are so grateful that he is there; at least we know he is looked after.  So anyhow I go and visit dad and he offers me the snacks.  I turn him down and he insisted I have some.  One thing that always got me with dad is that he always wants to give me food and then after I should eat it, some time afterwards he states that I really should lose weight.  I try so hard to explain to him to stop this but he continues.  I know one thing is that he always offers because this is all he has to give.  I tell him it is not necessary but he continues to do what he wants.  Anyhow I did have some cookies but left the rest. 

When I got home I made a nice healthy dinner again and tried my best to stay within calorie range.  When hubby comes home and I give him his dinner I always tell him how many calories it is for him and asked if he likes it and if he is satisfied.  So far yes, I must admit it is taking some work but it is so worth it.  Like they always say, plan….plan….and plan some more.   Finally the main ingredient is sinking in……

Now time to plan…..plan…..for tonight.

Until later…………

Day 11

I just love the mornings; everything is bright, fresh and smells new.  I am so thankful each day to wake up to a new day.  I am trying so hard to keep up with my new attitude.  Well, got some great news yesterday, my daughter and her fiancé have decided where they want their wedding reception.  This coming Sunday we are going to see the place.  On line the pictures are gorgeous.  They seem really happy which in turns makes me happy too.

Well things are back on track and I am feeling real good again.  I was on target with my calories and made sure I drank my fluids, actually I got up to 80 ounces.  I would like to get to 100, I don’t know how in the world some drink 150 +.  Maybe once I get really used to around 100 I may be able to add more but for right now getting to 100 makes I am happy.   Also today I am wearing my pin stripe suit.  I haven’t worn this, gosh I really can’t remember.  All I know I am thrilled.  As I was leaving the house this morning I turned and said to hubby, look I can wear this suit again.  He said that is great and told me I am doing a good job, then of course he said hey maybe not much longer you can asked your daughter if you can have her Victoria Secret stuff, I turned around and told him, nah I plan on getting my own.  He laughed with raised eyebrows….LOL.  Anyhow it just feels good, especially with hubby and even with his comments.  At least his comments are more supportive than they used to be. 

Last night I made sure dinner was healthy but also delicious.  I made baked flounder with lemon pepper, mixed vegetables and ½ of a baked sweet potato.  With it we had my homemade chicken soup with escarole and no noodles.  It was very filling and very good.  One thing that I am discovering is I am trying to use different spices and herbs to make the usually foods but trying to give things a little twist.  So far so good.

Also I am getting more excited about TOPS.  I hope I can become leader, I have been thinking of several ideas for meetings and I am trying to write them down.  I really hope I can motivate the ladies.  I certainly hope I get the opportunity to do this…..I just feel so ready for this……..gotta keep in mind for myself…..patience just give it patience…..which I am learning so much lately.   Never ever too late to learn more about oneself.    Ah…something again to ponder about…………..

Until later………………..

Day 10

Wow it is amazing when you really write things down plus also I am seeing how just making small changes can have such an impact on yourself and also people around you.  For once I really think I am in a good place….I certainly hopes this last.

Also looking back, especially over this weekend, WOW, all I can say is WOW…..with all that was going on this past weekend and with all the food, no wonder I am feeling lousy.  If anything I am right back on track today by all means, but feeling like this is horrible.  I feel tired, sluggish, bloated, oh my I could go on and on.  Oh and I can certainly tell, at least now with my fluid intake.  No way near my quota over this weekend.  Well that certainly is not going to be the case today.   Just about 8:30 in the morning and I am done already 40 ounces and I already have my super cup (holds 32 ounces) sitting here on my desk for me to sip on for the rest of the morning. 

One thing that I have realized is that I need to be more mindful with food and my surroundings.  I need to think more of what is going on, that, why is food such a central focus even on small celebrations or events or even just casual gatherings.   I don’t know why I think of the food more at this times and have the attitude of “well it is ok to cheat” or “you gotta live it up a little” etc.   I need to re-visit this several times or may be many times, I even kind of wonder would I ever overcome this……hmmm…..

Funny I am actually looking forward to making a healthy dinner for hubby and me tonight. 

You just gotta love changes…….

Until later……………….

Day 9

Today was a wonderful day; I went with my daughter to a bridal expo.  OMG, how things have changed over the years.  All the different designs, dresses, cakes, venues, etc.  And OMG of how much things cost these days.  I was kidding with the kids telling them how about if we got them a decorated ladder with flowers and we would even hold the ladder as he takes his bride to be and just elope.  They just laugh, guess it is not going to happen…LOL  Anyhow I did allow myself to taste test the vendors that were there and I know I went over on calories.  So on the way home I stopped at WAWA and got my lunches for the next couple of days.  I got their salads which are less than three hundred calories and the dressing packs are 40.  So my lunches are good.  Need to and “WILL” get right back on track.  I spoke about having a wonderful feeling that I must hold onto.  The feeling is that I am now wearing two sizes smaller in my jeans.   YEAH ME!!!

Once I post this I am now going to relax…..being that long all day on my feet has affected my knee and now it is going wild with pain.  I hope the doctor calls soon with the medicine.  I can’t even pronounce yet alone spell it but it is some type of gel thing that gets injected into the knee to lubricate and put some cushion in between the bones so that they stop rubbing against one another.  Right now the knee doesn’t hurt as much since I got the cortisone shot last week but I don’t know how much longer it will last.  Only time will tell, but as the doctor stated if I continue to lose the weight the more I am taking pressure off the knee.  Another “main” reason to take care of me.

Anyhow……time to relax

Until later……………..

Day 8

Went last night to my friend’s sons beef and beer event.  If anything it was so nice to be with my dear girlfriends.   I certainly didn’t drink any beer but I did have plenty of the roast beef sandwiches.  They were small but it didn’t stop me from having four.  Yes four.  What was I thinking?  I should have never gone hungry that long from lunch.  I had lunch at noon and the roast beef sandwiches close to nine pm.  I certainly allow my hungry and glutton self indulge with the wrong foods.  I actually felt a bit lousy when I woke up this morning.  It has passed and now I must stay on track.  This morning I just ate a low calorie banana bread.  Just wanted to have something in my stomach because I had to go shopping today.   I got hubby some nice shirts and got Pop his birthday present.  Then stopped at acme to get a few things for tonight.  The kids are coming over so we can celebrate hubby’s birthday.  Actually I spoke to hubby before I went out and I feel so bad for him.  Seems that his so called manager doesn’t even let him know when he is going to be out.  He was off Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, when he went back to work, he finds out that he is working 8 days straight with no help and he will be working 12 ½ hours per day.  I know he will be making more money but that really is not the issue.  I can’t seem to comprehend how in the world the city manager would get on hubby’s case but now not on this lazy SOB of a manager.  I am just so angry for hubby.  I hope with the kids coming and I am going to make some awesome appetizers (of course they are low calorie) that will put a smile on his face.  While at acme I saw a small wedge of wonderful watermelon, OMG it was delicious.  With it I had some cottage doubles …yum yum.  Now I feel good.  I also went to Kohl’s and bought not only the presents for the guys but treated myself to a pair of grey jeans.  Now I am going to try them on.  I hope they fit, if not I will continue with my journey until they do.  I really hope they do because then I can wear them tomorrow when I go to the bridal expo with my daughter. 

Time to try on the jeans

Wishing me luck…………….

Day 7

Yeah……..it is Friday and I feel so so good.  I actually woke up before the alarm but I still just laid there stretching and just feeling happy.  Happy ah yes, last night was my TOPS meeting and YIPPEE for me I dropped seven pounds.  Yes……..seven pounds, ah as they say about hard work gives off wonderful rewards.  I hope and pray that I can keep this happy feeling and keep my head focused.  And it is so so true about recording what you eat.  I may have gone over on some days but it kept me focused.  Also too about feeling wonderful today is that I am wearing a size smaller in my pants and my shirt.  Deep down inside I am feeling kind of pretty.  Also too last night was the nominations and Barb announced my name.  I hope the girls vote for me to become their next leader.  I am getting excited about it.  I have so many ideas that I think will help the others plus it will help me a whole bunch.  Also too I need to write a nice letter to a wonderful person, whom unfortunately I don’t know her in real life but have been connected with her through cyberspace for quite some time.   She has gone through this amazing transformation.  Not just only physically but also emotionally.  I just admire her so much and I really need to let her know how she has inspired me. 

Well I have lots to do today but looking forward to a fun weekend.

Will return soon……………

Day 6

Have many thoughts going through my head.  Don’t even know where to begin.  Anyhow, last night I was just so tired that I didn’t even journal on here.  The night before I woke up twice with such horrible muscle spasms that it woke me up out of a sound sleep.  Then it wasn’t like I could go back to sleep immediately, I had to walk around to make them go away.  I haven’t had them in such a long time.  I am so grateful that it didn’t happen last night. 

I just love my hubby; I really think he is trying to help me this time.  He made dinner and even apologized for what he made.  He made stuff chicken breasts, and with it made chicken stove top stuffing.  Very high in calories.  We talked about it and agreed that this kind of food will not come into the house.  He is even looking for the calorie intake on the packages, which he has never done before.  I am really feeling more love from him by him being more aware for things for me.  Then again this is a double good, because not just for me but I hope will also help him, because he certainly can lose some weight and get healthier too. 

Well tonight I go to TOPS.  I am feeling pretty good.  I certainly hope I see a good loss.  I had tried very hard this week and I really want to see some of the rewards.  I am thankful to God that he is with me on my journey. 

This is going to be a very busy weekend.  Tomorrow I am attending a Beef and Beer with some dear friends.  I really don’t drink beer and as for the beef, well it is Lent.  I guess they forgot about Lent because why would they have it on a Friday.  I really don’t know if there will be anything else, but I will see.  I am planning to eat something before I go, maybe like a salad.  Then on Saturday, the kids are coming up to see their father to celebrate his birthday.  I am always happy to see all the kids.  Then on Sunday I am going to a bridal expo with my daughter, this hopefully will be exciting.  This is the first one, and I hope there is plenty to see and get some wonderful ideas.  So it will be an eventful weekend. 

Just finished my breakfast and now onto drinking all my fluids.  Past several days I have gotten up to at least 80 ounces.  I pray I can keep up with this momentum.

Until later……