Just updating

Well I am finally done with Christmas.  I am pleased to state that all the shopping is done, and gifts are wrapped.  Now I just need to go food shopping and I have plenty of cooking to do tomorrow.  The main reason is because on Sunday, my sister and I and some of the kids are going to visit Pop at the nursing home to celebrate Christmas.  Now with Pop, well he is always asking about bringing some homemade food.  Food that he likes which is old fashion German dishes (you would guess so; both of my parents are from Germany).  So tomorrow I am making sauerkraut and bratwurst.  It is one of his favorites.  So that is my day for tomorrow.

On Wednesday I had to see the gynecologist-oncologist because my regular GYN saw something that she didn’t like.  Well this visit ended up me getting a biopsy.  All I can say is O M G, did I see the stars and the moon.  Even with her giving me a shot to numb the area, it still extremely hurt.  Even though it has been two days it still hurts, not as much but it still does, especially when I need to relieve myself.  Hopefully by the end of the weekend it will be much better.  Now the unknown is the worse part.  They told me not to call until next Friday, Dec 27^th.   This is just great with all the waiting.  I am trying very hard not to dwell on this but it is so hard.  Ok enough of that.

Funny with just a few days away for Christmas I still don’t know what is going on.  I spoke to my son today and we probably won’t see them. It seems that they will be visiting her side of the family.  Now I just need to hear from my daughter.  So whatever the case may be, I have decided to make Christmas dinner easy.  So for now I am making a ham, with some spinach, corn and possibly some potatoes.  I haven’t made up my mind if we will have soup or salad.

If anything I am mainly looking forward just having off some days.  This year I am working Christmas Eve, which I usually take off but the boss really wanted it, so he is off and I am working.  I know he really appreciates it.  

So that is about it.

Hopefully I will be back soon, but if not, I would like to wish everyone a happy, healthy and blessed Christmas.  May you enjoy the fun and love with all who are dear to you.

Until later………..

Checking in

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Mine was very nice; I thoroughly enjoyed it since all of my children were here.   Now moving onto the next holiday, Christmas.  I have been quite busy.  Immediately after Thanksgiving, I spent the next three days decorating, which I may say that I did get it all done.  I just love the decorations, which many of them have a sentimental meaning attached to them.  I don’t really nuts but you can certainly tell the holiday spirit is here.  Once that was done I started with the shopping and this is a first in a very long time, I can honestly say I am just about done.  Even with the shopping I have done I even wrapped them up right away.  I must admit it is a good feeling. 

As for my GYN appointment, well the doctor stated that 80 to 85% have cleared up but unfortunately I still need to see a specialist.  Seems that I have a lesion that hasn’t healed.  I still need to use the cream until I see her which is next week on Wednesday.  My doctor stated that she may do a biopsy.  I am praying that everything will be fine. 

Today I called out from work; I was too frightened with the weather.  We got today plenty of snow and hubby has to work much later, so my route to home would have involved walking many blocks.  I am so afraid of falling and with my bad knee…well; my fear got the best of me.  I am grateful that I still had PTO’s left to use and that my boss understands.

As for my weight, well that isn’t going well neither.  I gain a few pounds then lose some.  I guess another reason for not writing on my blog.  I mean come on, who wants to admit that they are not doing what they should be doing.  I just can’t seem to get into my program, or I should say “I just don’t care?”   I will admit that the doctor business is on my mind a lot.  I really need to refocus what matters to me.

You would think especially with the next wedding coming, (my son’s wedding is in June 2014), that I would be more focused.  Trying to get this weight off is mainly for health reasons especially with my leg, but one would think that the wedding would be an extra incentive. 

Well, I need to get moving and get dinner together for hubby.  Today he has to work close to 13 hours, it is so long and I feel so bad for him too, that I try to have a nice hot meal when he gets home.

I pray that everyone is doing well.

Until later………..

Many Blessings

Just a quick post tonight.  I am off the next three days, mainly for tomorrow because I have a GYN doctor visit again.  I am praying that this visit is good, seems that when I went six weeks ago, the doctor didn’t like what she saw during my examination.  So she gave me a prescription, a steroid cream, to use and in hope that the condition would improve.  If not, then I will need to see a specialist for a biopsy.  So that is weighing heavily on my mind.

Last week Hubby and I went to the seashore.  I really can’t remember when I went during this time of the year.  It was nice but we both agreed that we would only go during the spring and summer.  It was quite isolated and hardly any people around.  Also too, most of the restaurants were closed.  But it was still nice to get away.

As for Thanksgiving, I am cooking.  All my children are coming, even the 3 grand puppies.  This should be interesting but will be loads of fun.  I am so looking forward to it.  Then as for the weekend I intend to get all my Christmas decorations up.  Wish me luck.

As for my weight, I am just maintaining, which I am pleased with.  So many have such strong motivation, which I am hoping some it comes my direction to stay on the good path.

Not only I am not looking forward to tomorrow with the doctor, it is also the anniversary of my mother’s passing.  It is the exact day she passed away, the day before Thanksgiving.  So it will be exceptional hard.  Gosh, I miss her so much.

Oh one more thing before I close this post.  I wish everyone a blessed, joyous, happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.  May you enjoy every moment with them.  Plus I am thankful to those I have met thru my blog.

Many hugs,

Finally back

Hi everyone,

It has been too long, not that a lot has happened though. 

As for the wedding, well it was fabulous.  We were lucky, it started to rain a bit in the early evening, which meant not all the pictures could be taken outside as she planned but the photographer got plenty.  She looked absolutely beautiful.  Everyone looked wonderful. One of the highlights was while she was saying her vows to him, she just stared at him and once she was finished she started to cry and then said out loud, “I am so sorry”  ..sniff…sniff…”but I love you so much”.  Well, there was not one dry eye in the place. Also another funny thing though, I was so worried about my shoes being tight that I wore them many days ahead, well just several days before the wedding I actually wore them with socks.  Now on the day of the wedding I go and put them on and guess what, I had stretched them too much, now they were big.  So for the church I had to put paper towels inside so I wouldn’t fall out of them.  LOL…so much for making them comfortable.

Everyone stated that they had a great time.  Plus it is so true, so much planning for one day and before you know it, the day is over.  But even so, I have so many fantastic memories just burned into my heart, which will never fade.

So with that I have had several weeks of rest, or at least wedding rest.  Now I am back on board with the next wedding.  As a matter of fact, last night I went to meet up with my future daughter in law at the bridal shop, to help her pick out her wedding dress.  And yes she got one, so pretty.  So with that I am slowly getting back to wedding and shower mode again.  Soon it will be back to planning another wedding shower, going out to pick out a dress for me, shopping for gifts, etc.   These seven months will go by fast.

As for my weight, well I have maintaining, which I am very grateful for.  I have been gaining a few pounds then taking it off the following week.  Right now I am trying to plan Thanksgiving, all the kids are coming and I am thrilled.  I am trying to make a healthy dinner for all.

Right now I am a bit excited, hubby and I took off Thursday and Friday, so tomorrow we will take an overnight trip.  Not too far, just down to the seashore.  It may be a bit chilly but just going away a wee bit is nice and looking forward to it.

Getting a bit late here, want to get an early start tomorrow. I will try to get back on here real soon.

Many hugs to all, I have been trying to keep up with everyone.

Have a blessed evening.

The Day is Near

Well we are on the final countdown, six more days until the big day….the wedding.   Actually I just want the day to be here.   My daughter is so stressed out with everything.  She knows that we are here to help but we are kinda walking on eggs when we are around her just trying to keep her calm.  Unfortunately I know this happens to many brides with their bridesmaids, meaning taking in all the complaints.  She has had enough.  Especially with her maid of honor.  She is so disappointed with her and also I.  Just got off the phone with her and she even explained how she is so surprised with all the drama.  I just feel so bad for her.  The only thing  I can say is that they (the few bridesmaids) know me real well and they had much better sense to make sure I don’t hear anything, cause they will certainly hear it from me.  I am just praying that her day goes well with no drama. 

Actually right now I am wearing my shoes, trying to make them more comfortable for Saturday.  But just to be on the safe side, I do have a pair of ballet slippers for the later part of the evening.   I do plan on dancing a lot with hubby.

Also with all the stuff with the wedding and worrying about my daughter, well it has affected me slightly physically.  So with that plus I am still watching that on Thursday at TOPS, I lost another 2 pounds.  I am happy but just want my stomach to settle a bit. 

Honestly that is just about all that is going on.  Oh I did forget though, after the stupid act of banging my head with the hatch from the SUV, last Sunday late afternoon, as I took a sip from my drink, I felt something in my mouth, at first I thought it was some broken glass pieces but it turned out to be part of my tooth.  Yes, now I have a broken tooth, so this Tuesday I have a dentist appointment.  But it doesn’t stop there, this past Wednesday, as hubby and I were leaving for work, hubby notices water and the mat in front of the kitchen sink was soaked.  Seems to be a cracked pipe, thank goodness the plumber was able to come out Thursday morning and replace the pipe and also the garbage disposal.  The old one also had a crack.  At this point I can only laugh about it. 

Like I said hubby and I just want it to be here, so the worrying can stop and we can all have a good time and enjoy the special day.

Need to get dinner done for hubby.

 

Until later…..

I need to move on

Trying to catch up with everyone and it is a bit overwhelming. 

Still getting things ready for the wedding.  Saturday I go for my final fitting, I should be able to pick my dress up.  I have been stretching my shoes but I still have a backup for later in the evening.  I have my hair appointment made plus my hairdresser talked me into getting at least my eyes done.  That is something that I have never done before.  I hope I am a good, well sort of candidate.  We’ll see what happens.

Not only have I been busy with the wedding, I have also been busy with my son’s surprise 30^th birthday party, which was this past Saturday.  He was completely unaware of it and totally surprised.  Everyone stated that they had a good time.  I couldn’t have asked for better weather, which I am so so grateful for.  Majority of the people was outside in our yard.  We set up plenty of tables and chairs, so there was plenty of room and very comfortable too.  Oh and of course we had plenty of food.  I tried my best to send as much as possibly home, but we still had some left over.

Monday I had all my appointments at the hospital.  It all deals with my breasts and lump nodes.  But I am so happy to say that they have cleared me for another six months.  If all is well in six months I can finally go back to the yearly check up.

Today I was home, all because of a stupid act on my park.  To make a long story short, yesterday, last night, I was getting something out of my SUV, had the item in my hands, lean against the car with the item, and went to pull down the hatch and BAM.  I pulled the hatch down right on my head.  Oh my, I thought I saw stars, for a quick moment I felt a bit woozy but it went away.  I did though have a small little lump on my head.  I put cold on it and the lump went down.  But I hardly slept, so I stayed home today.  As a matter of fact, once I am done with this I am going to head to bed a bit earlier.

I did read a few blogs; one in particular was how Marion had kept a food journal for a whole year.  I am like, WOW, that is awesome.  Then I started thinking, I have always done well when I journal.  Then it came to me that I stop if I overeat, don’t eat the right thing, whatever.  Then it dawn onto me, I should just journal no matter what.

So with that I have found a small notebook, and it will have everything that I eat, even if I eat the wrong food.  Lately I have just be somewhat maintaining the same weight.  Gain a pound or two and then lose the same pounds over and over again.  I need to move on.

Until later…………..

Just updating

I am taking some time out to update here a bit, plus taking a break.  It is crazy of how the time is just flying by.  As for this week, I am concentrating on my son’s surprise birthday party which is this coming Saturday.  I will be doing a lot of running around this week.  It is mostly shopping for the food and such.  Thank goodness I took Friday off, it is mostly to get majority of the cooking done.  My future daughter in law will be coming over once she is done work on Friday, so that will be a great help.

Saturday I went for my second fitting, the woman does a beautiful job.  The dress fits perfect.  I am still kind of shy about wearing a strapless gown, one thing I will say is that I am NOT taking off the jacket at all.  Meanwhile with all of this I have been wearing my shoes, trying to break them in.  But just to be safe I intend to go out and buy ballet slippers because being in those shoes the entire day, well, I really don’t think I will make it.

Well at TOPS on Thursday I am down another 1 ½ pounds.  I am so grateful for.  I just need to lose another two pounds and then I will be back to my lowest since starting with my new way of life.  My plan for this week is to continue my usual plan but I am investigating maybe going after another plan.  I have been reading and trying to get educated in low carb and low sugar.  I have been reading many other blogs and it seems to make a lot of sense.  I am just hoping I can do this.

Well break time is over; I need to finish dinner before Hubby gets home from work.  Plus I need to get things ready for work tomorrow.

Hope all is enjoying this gorgeous weather.  I just love the fall, it is beautiful here.  I just wish it would last a lot longer than just a month or so.

Until later….

Working on getting back the control

Lots of things going on.  First the wedding, it sure is getting close.  Only five weeks away.  Just trying to finish with the last minute touches.  My daughter is going nuts, not only with the wedding but she has a lot going on at work.  Of course it is making her miserable too.  I am just trying to keep her calm.  As for me, well, unfortunately a lot of other things are going on as well. Planning a surprise party for my son, he will be turning 30 and my future daughter in law really wanted to do something special.  I am just trying to get things in order.  But what is really bothering me is the changes at my work.  It really is playing on my mind.  Of course these changes have to do with me, at first I was quite angry, but with lots prayer and trying to analyze the situation, well I really have no choice but to accept it and move on.  Perhaps in another post I will explain more of what is going on and happening.

So with all of this I haven’t been good with my eating.  It has gotten out of control but I am back to journaling again, which I may add I really don’t like to do but it is necessary.  I get so mad with myself when I lose control.  And in this area, I am the one who has complete control and control is what I must get back.   Over the several weeks at TOPS I have been gaining, I am grateful though I did lose some of the extra gain last week on Thursday.  I am hoping to lose more this week too.

One thing that I did that I enjoyed was after church yesterday I went to the store and bought some fall flowers to put out in my garden.  I also got new batteries to replace the old ones in all of the solar lamps.  In the evening when the lights come on, well the garden just looks beautiful.  For the party, I intend to put tables and chairs out there.  I just have to pray that the day and evening are nice that the guests can go outdoors.  It is all in God’s hands.

Well the night just seems to zip by and it is time for me to get things together for tomorrow.

 

Until later…………..

 

Need better spirits

Wow seems funny how time just flies. 

Hubby and I had a wonderful time away.  Something that we certainly need to do more often.  Just talking, taking small walks, just enjoying our surroundings, just enjoying each other.  It was only for two days but it was great, definitely too short.

With that said, I told hubby that I really want more.  More time together, just doing simple things.  See, hubby is not one for going out, even just for a ride to a near by place.  I tell him it doesn’t have to be going out for dinner, just even the mall, just to the park, just something.  I just get tired being home most of the time by myself.  He works on the weekends and works long hours.  I do feel for him but I also tell him there is more in life than just work and home.  I just told him today before I left for church again of how I feel.  He said possibly in a couple of weeks, he will try to get off at least one day during the weekend.   I guess I just have to wait and see.

One thing that is keeping me busy is that my future daughter in law express about doing something special for my son.  He will be 30 in September, so with that we are planning a surprise 30^th birthday party here at my house for the end of September.  Of course it is just several weeks before my daughter’s wedding, nothing can be spaced out of course.  But all in all it is good.  I certainly hope we can pull it off surprising him.   So with that there is a lot of cleaning and prepping to be done.  Still haven’t figure out the menu, but in time will do.

Finally went back to TOPS on Thursday and I have gained.  So bummed out about it.  I know what I have done but trying to get out of this funk is hard.  I seem to be losing focus on me.  Also I just haven’t been feeling well.  Not saying that I am real sick or ill but just not myself lately.  Just been tired, slightly achy, so I have been going to bed a bit earlier than usual.  Not interested in anything.  Can’t seem to get myself up and going. Sometimes I wonder if this maybe a slight depression setting in? 

Yesterday I went for my first fitting for my dress for the wedding.  I also saw earrings that match perfectly with the dress, so I bought them.  The only thing I have left to get are my shoes, which I need by September 21, that is my second fitting. 

After church I went to see my dad.  I am so happy that he is in much better spirits these days.  It just makes it better to go see him.  He still has a great appetite, so I brought him a small breakfast sandwich and coffee.  He enjoyed it very much.

Trying a new recipe tonight. It is a taco casserole.  Ground meat with taco seasoning, Mexican shredded cheese, diced tomatoes, lettuce and crushed Doritos.  Once heated just serve with some sour cream.  Going to try to avoid most of the Doritos and have very little sour cream.  With it I may have a salad with it.  Hopefully it will be good.

The weather has been wonderful the last couple of days.  Absolutely gorgeous.  Maybe that is why I am a little down.  Beautiful weather and no where to go.  That is possibly the reason.

Not much more to say.

Hope everyone has a good Sunday.

Until later…………………

Finally going away

Well it has finally arrived, hubby and I are going away.  It has been so long, over ten years that we have gone away together.  Mainly because hubby would not leave our dog Max in a kennel.  True love for an animal.  But with our beloved Max gone, we will now have our time.

We missed him deeply.  He was a wonderful dog.

I will try to watch my eating and be sensible with it.  I am hoping to do some swimming.  That would be wonderful for my legs.

So I am off and running (running I wish) but I am off to have some nice R & R days.

Until later.....

Just moving along

Sometimes I wonder just where the time goes. If anything I am busy at work. Last weekend was really nice. I had a wonderful time with my girlfriend in Delaware. Her shore house is just heaven. The weather was beautiful and the scenery was fabulous. Our only problem was coming home late Sunday; we hit many pockets of heavy downpour rain. So it took us several hours to get home but we made it. So now I am just trying to get through this week. I am no longer off on Fridays, so this week will be an adjustment. Next week though, hubby and I will be going away for a few days. I am looking forward to it but I must admit it will kind of feel strange too. Reason being is that we have not taken a vacation or even went away overnight in many years because of our dog. Hubby would never put Max in a kennel, so therefore we never went away. Unfortunately, our beloved Max passed away last October; he was 13 ½ years old. Hubby took it very hard, that was his best buddy. I went to TOPS last Thursday and I am happy to say that I took 6 pounds off from the 7 pound gain. Keep in mind that I haven’t been there for four weeks. Just need to push and continue to lose that one pound and some. I will be going this Thursday but not next week due to going away with hubby. Things seem to be well. Even Pop seems to be in good spirits. I will be seeing him after work today. One thing I can say is that his appetite is good again. My sister and I were getting worried of how he was not eating. He was looking mighty fragile and so thin. Now it is the complete opposite. His face is fuller and he has gained some weight back. I also think he has come to the reality, that this is his life. He knows that he can no longer do the things that he used to and that he needs assistance. He now looks forward to the trips that the nursing home has once a month. He gets excited about them when you talk about them. Which I am so happy and grateful for. Well as they say “time to make the donuts” or I should say “time to make the money”. Got lots of work to get done. Until later…………..

Been keeping myself busy

All I can say is that 3 days being home goes mighty fast.  I kept myself busy though.  Friday started the day with cleaning and then in the evening I went to meet my daughter at the bridal shop to see her try on her wedding dress that came in.  Oh my just beautiful.  Next will be seeing the seamstress for proper fitting. 

Then Saturday was a big food shopping order, put away and starting baking items.  By the end of the day I finished making two loafs of low calorie banana bread. Made two dozen lemon-lime cupcakes.  Also made a low calorie cherry cheese Danish ring.  Now hubby has plenty of evening snacks to hold him for a couple of weeks.  I cut it all down and freeze it all.

As for today, well finished making two more loafs of banana bread, which I will be taking with me when I go to my girlfriend’s shore house next weekend, her daughter and her hubby and grandson will be there also.  Plus I made all my breakfast and lunches for the week, which is low calorie egg and cheese muffins, plus made French dip muffin meals, also made low calorie pumpkin bars.  Now I can choose and quickly pack my breakfasts and lunches for the week.  Now I am just finishing dinner which is baked chicken with some Chinese veggies.  Oh and I washed and cut up all the fruit.  I will admit I am tired but knowing this is all done I feel good.  Now for the week, I just need to gather my clothing and pack it up by Thursday night.  Funny thing knowing that I will be going away I have plans to get things done during the week which I would normally do on the weekend.  You would think I would do this stuff so I could be more relaxed on the weekend.  Something that I think I should pursue. 

Staying on plan and it feels good. 

Time to make my lemon water for the week

Until later…………..

I think I did good

Well again it is Friday and I am off.  I must admit it is nice only working four days a week.  Even though I must push harder to have all my work done in four days.

 Yesterday I was quite upset.  Talking with my daughter, she made a comment that really hurt.  I am trying to keep in mind that she at times gets very stressful, especially with the wedding.  Anyhow, I held onto that feeling.  With that feeling I wanted so much to eat but I didn’t.  Spoke to her again late last night and things are somewhat better.  I know at times we all say things not meaning to hurt another but it does happen.  It is just at these times I feel I try to do as much as possible for them and they just don’t care.  Then I also try to reminisce about times with my own Mom.  Wishing that things that I said I could take it all back.  I know that this is a new phase of my life that I need still to adjust, meaning that they are on their own.  The relationship between me and my daughter is good, but kind of wish it was better.  She is one tough cookie to deal with at times.  Then that is the way she is, lump or like it.

One piece of good news that I am excited about, is that I picked up my dress for the wedding.  The dress is so pretty.  I can hardly wait to get it altered and fitted just right.  I just hope I can pull it off wearing it.  Below is a picture of it, only thing is that mine is a cranberry color.   The wedding is in October.  A complete fall theme. 

http://www.jordanfashions.com/6012


Unfortunately last night there was no TOPS meeting because of the heat.  Our meeting place is at an older church parish hall and there is no air-conditioner. Plus being closed up, well the heat is intense.  So I was unable to get weighed in.  I will just have to wait until next Thursday.

Oh and next week I will be going to Delaware with my dear girlfriend’s shore home.  I am looking so forward to going away.  I know I will have a great time.  She is so much fun and just enjoy being in her company.  I just pray that the weather is nice. 

Well I finished cleaning up the kitchen and need to move on.

 Tonight I will be meeting with my daughter at the bridal shop.  Her dress has come in and she is going to check it all out.   Time is ticking and the wedding will be here shortly.

 Oh and before I forget, I did a little reading about grain free on Gwen’s blog.  I still want to read some more.  Hopefully maybe I will get some time after the bridal shop. 

 I am still using the visual about me being in a circle eating like crazy as I am also outside the circle watching all of this.  So far it is helping me NOT to eat out of emotion.  I read today in Holly’s blog about when a situation comes up to do a 180 turn reaction.  I am going to try to remember this also.  All these great tips I am trying to hold onto.  Anything and everything helps.  These people and God are guiding me, which I am grateful.

Until later…..

Trying to stay the course.....

I must admit it always feels good when you are somewhat back on track again.  If this feeling is so good, then why do I go astray?  I have been trying to answer this for quite some time.  Not that I have the right answer but I think I am seeing it with different areas.  I usually go off plan when I feel overwhelmed.  In any circumstance, meaning the job, family issues, even with just my lifestyle.  My lifestyle is not complicated.  Both of my children are out and on their own, at home it is just hubby and me.   So as for the hustle, bustle of everyday living has calmed down quite a bit.  But I go off plan if things are not as usual, routine, etc.  This I know, but lately, meaning just several weeks, things have been calm.  My daughter’s shower is over, everything went well.  Hubby and I just re-financed our home, which went well.  So why was I off course???    Just being downright lazy and bored.  That is what I have come up with.

So I have kicked myself in my butt and told myself to stop it.  I don’t know, stop being bored, and stop being lazy, stop maybe feeling sorry for myself.  Honestly, it occurred to me while listening/reading another blogger.  She is so helpful to me, words couldn’t even describe of how thankful I am.  I truly believe that God has guided me to her, which I am so grateful for.   Anyhow, for right now when I am bored and I want to reach for something, just for the sake of eating, I will stop and vision myself in a circle with all this food, just shoving it in my mouth, also I am standing outside the circle and watching me inside the circle, constantly eating.  I am not liking this picture and then I truly think am I really hungry? or bored?.  Well, all I can say is that I did this over the weekend and this is a first in a really long time, especially for a weekend, that I actually watched what I ate, responded only when I was truly hungry.  Just doing that and thinking back on it, well I feel pretty good.  So I am hoping that this will last a while for me.  Helping me to stay on course and stop with all the excuses.

Also too I want to thank all of you for all your support and encouraging, caring words, it means a lot to me.

Hopefully I can report a loss this week.

Until later………….

Need to snap out of it

Just finished reading some blogs and as usual they have me thinking.  So many times I just want to run away from all of this, meaning this journey of trying to lose weight.  Of course that is the easy way out for sure.   Every morning I say my prayers and finish them off with asking our Lord to please help me stay the course.  Don’t go astray, walk the path, be strong.  But at the end of the day I feel I have failed again.

Lately I have been thinking about how lazy I am.  That I don’t exercise enough.  Then I start to think of how I really don’t have time for it.  Mainly because of how slow I am with everything.  With just hubby and I at home, well you would think that life would be much easier, less time to take care of the everyday things.  But for me, well I don’t want to give the impression that it is hard but it just takes more time.  Meaning that whatever I do it takes me longer to do it.  Mainly because I am so slow.  Even with being with others, like going for a short walk I decline because I don’t want others to feel bad for me because I can’t keep up and hate the feeling that I am holding others back.  I am so slow with EVERYTHING.  Even with hubby and I, of course he knows my pace, so many times I would love to do just a little something, even he will come back and say to me, well it is too much for you so we won’t do that.  He doesn’t even ask if I would like to.  Lots of time I just feel trapped.  Trapped in this body and mind.  Plus so many times I really want to say something but fear, not so much of saying something but fear I will be unable to do it or complete it.   So feeling like this, feeling sorry for myself I just turn to the food.  I really want to snap out of this.

But how…………………..

Until later…………………….

Re-dedicating to my health

All that is well has ended well.  The shower was a huge success even with some unforeseen obstacles.  One main one was the catering ladies and the girls (bridesmaids) and hubby and me got to the hall only to find it was locked.  The catering ladies were supposed to get in at 12:30 and the rest of us at 1:00.  But no one was there to let us in.  OK….panic mood starting, I immediately started calling any number I had that associated with the hall.  No answers just instant voice mail.  Of course I left many messages.  Then thank the heavens I called my girlfriend’s husband who is a member of the club, (Knights of Columbus), got a hold of him and he started calling others to find out what happened.  Long story made short, finally someone arrived and we got in at 1:40, which only left 20 minutes to set up before guests arrived.  Double panic mode was taken place inside of me.  But with the help of many we got it done by 2:05.  WHEW that was close.  Anyhow my daughter was completely surprised.  She loved every minute of it, as also the guests.  Many complimented of how they had a fantastic time.  So all my personal goals were met. 

Then the next day Monday I had all my appointments at the hospital.  I thought the radiology center was cruel with mammograms but here at the hospital they were animals.  Oh my, my poor little breasts.  But after that plus an ultrasound, talking with the radiologist doctor plus the breast doctor, I was given a clean slate.  They still want me to have a 3 month follow up, which has now been schedule late September.

Now onto my weigh in last night at TOPS.  I am very sad to say that I have gained 7 pounds over the last four weeks.  With the shower and stuff I have not gone to my meetings nor have I gotten weighed.  I knew deep down that I had gained but I honestly thought no more than 5 pounds tops.  Boy was I surprised.  Which in turn made me very angry with myself.  I do not want to go up the scale, who does?  So with that I made sure that today’s breakfast and lunch were healthy and packed.  Also too I need to be more diligent with journaling.   It has always helped me and kept me focused on what was going in my mouth. 

And of course today in work was the staff luncheon, which I refused to participate in.  They have lunch catered and boy it sure did look good.  But I am staying in my office, I am so grateful that my friend here in work I can talk to, plus some of my TOPS friends thru email.  So I am not being shy and I am reaching out for support.

 Actually I am just kinda watching the clock until I can get out of here, far far away.

Plus I have rearranged my plans for the weekend, that I am going to get back to pre-cooking and pre-bagging plenty of good foods in my house this weekend.  I am re-dedicating to getting healthy.

You know you gotta be thankful for eye-openers.

Until later……

Time waits for no one………

Wow again so much time has passed.  Well today I am home mainly because we are finally getting a new garage door installed.  I am also off tomorrow and Monday all because of my daughter’s wedding shower which is on Sunday.  I will admit most of the stuff is done and we are really to set up and decorate the place.  The bridesmaids have done a wonderful job with all the center pieces and candy bar.  I just have a few last minute, run around errands to do on Saturday.  I just hope she likes everything we have done and that the guests really enjoy themselves.  Oh and my one goal is to really surprise her which I may add I really think I have pulled it off.  I have sent multiple invitations to them (daughter and finance), with help of my future son-in-law and dear friends, we have her completely confused. 

 

Right now a lot is going on; not only the shower but hubby and I are in the midst of refinancing our home.  Plus unfortunately I got called back by my breast specialist doctor for more review of my right breast.  I am hoping what they are seeing is just scar tissue from the surgery back from November.  This is a new doctor because my other breast surgeon doctor has retired.  So I am quite nervous with my appointment on Monday. 

 

So with my emotions on high, my eating plan is not the greatest.  Right now I am hovering around 265 to 270.  When it starts creeping up to 270, it is then I start really watching what I am eating.  I really have no excuses why I am NOT watching.  It is just plain stupid.  I have much more weight to go and I am just not doing it.  Not that I want to put it off but I am trying to plan better once the shower is over.  I am trying to get healthier food in this house.  Ah heck even hubby is saying about of how much junk is back in the house again.  Since I do most of the cooking even hubby is losing some weight.  So hopefully we can get back to eating the right things.  One consolation is that we no longer drink soda anymore.  I usually make a lot of decaffeinated green ice tea.  Also too I went and bought one of those large jugs that have a sprout attached and fill that with water with lemon slices and a few leaves of mint, very refreshing.  So as the saying goes baby steps of change.

 

Now my next big step is to incorporate some exercise.  I happen to come across yesterday Leslie Sansone video on the computer.  Just a simple walking video with just walking.  I am trying to commit to doing it once a day.  It is only 20 minutes long.  I just hope that I can do it with my bad knee.  I must try.

 

Well I need to get moving and get some things done.  It is such a beautiful day here.  Maybe once I get some things done in the house I can get outside and do a bit of gardening.

 

Until later………….

Just trying to continue on........

Wow another week has flown by.  Also too, the weather has been and is crazy.  Just last Saturday our temperature was like in the 50’s.  It was so chilly and windy, that if you went outside you needed a lite jacket or sweatshirt.  Now today it is suppose to go up in the mid 90’s.  Leaving work this morning at 6:15am the temp read in the car at 72.  So crazy.  Anyhow I am grateful that where I work is air-conditioned.

Well tonight is TOPS night and I have struggled to stay somewhat on plan.  I have made my lunches all week.  Drank my big bottles of water.  So tonight will tell.  Oh and as for last week, I lost 2 ½ pounds.  I just need to lose another two pounds and again I will be back to my lowest.  Why I keep repeating this method over and over is beyond me.  So many times I wonder, am I afraid of losing more weight, not that I am near goal or anything.  Or is it, my mood at that moment is that I don’t care?  I wish I could figure out my head.

With the wedding just under five months to go, I only have 17 pounds to get to the goal that I have set for myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I am no where near where I should be, but I wanted to set a realistic goal.  I thought 75 pounds would be good.  If I were to go below that, then that would be a plus.  I just wonder why I just can’t seem to be consistent with my eating habits. 

Other than that I have been quite busy preparing for my daughter’s wedding shower, which is in three weeks.  It is all coming down to the wire.  My biggest complaint about it all is that how people don’t respond to invitations.  Meaning that it was requested as a RSVP.  I am not the least bit upset if a person can’t make it, but at least tell me.  Don’t people realize that when it is catered that one needs to give a head count.  Also too I just love those (once I have contacted them) would state, oh you should have known that I was coming….really?  I should have known???   My goodness if I could do that, well, maybe I would know the winning lottery numbers next time.

So with that and also trying to keep up with my father, who is in the nursing home, I seem to have my hands full right now.  Hopefully once the wedding shower is over, things may begin to calm down.  I certainly hope so.  If anything I am glad that my auditors are finally finished here at work and now I can start taking some time off.  What is helping now is that I am taking off mainly on Fridays to have a three day weekend.  So all in all things are good.  (I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, things could be worse….haha)

Until later……………..

Where did my determination go???????

Where is my determination?   Several months ago I thought I had it and I was moving in the right direction.  As always slow but I was moving in the right direction.  Now lately, I am not moving at all.  Which of course the result is that now I am going in the WRONG direction.  I don’t know what it is but I am caving in so easily.  Yesterday I caved in when someone here at work came into my office and offered me a soft pretzel.  So quickly I said of course.  Took one and within 5 minutes it was gone.  Did I take the time to think about it?  NO   Did I even think that I was hungry?  (Which I wasn’t)   but NO.  And here is the best…..I continued grabbing anything and everything once I got home.  This is so wrong of me.  I definitely know better.  What is my desire?  Don’t I “want” to get healthier?  Don’t I want to be lighter so my knee will feel better?  Don’t I want to lose this horrible weight, at least get to the goal that I promised myself for the wedding in October?  Which might I add is so doable.  I want to lose another 20 pounds in 5 five months…..so so doable.  So why do I have the attitude like I don’t care?  I just can’t seem to figure it out.  Don’t I want this?   My mind is all over the place.  I just need to focus; right now I just want to scream.   Oh why?????????????

Until later…………………….

Need to be back in CONTROL

I am officially all over the place, not only with what I am eating but just about everything.  Not a pretty picture.  I am trying very hard to get in control.  One thing that I will admit, it seems that I have much better control when I am in work.  I have my packed breakfast and lunch with two small snacks.  It is always when I get home that does me in. 

I am hoping, (no strike that) I WILL take control of myself tonight.  I just need to tell myself I will watch and not just grab anything that is around.  Especially tonight because Hubby went and did a little food shopping yesterday while I was out running some errands.  Well to my surprise, he brought home three bags of sun chips.  I was so stunned.  Not so much he brought them (sun chips) home but three bags???   I asked him and he stated it was because they had a good sale going on.  I guess because of the holiday coming up.  Oh my, this is going to be great!!!! (not really).

But regardless, I am the one who should be in control.  It is not his problem but mine.  I must own up to it and stop complaining.

Until later………….

What am I doing????????????

Amazing, just even back a few days and poof how easy it is to break a promise.

Unfortunately I missed writing, then again, how much can stuff happen in one day, ah yes a lot but nothing really much this day, which in turn I am grateful that nothing drastic happened.

Last night was weigh in at TOPS and really I was quite surprised, I did manage to lose 1.75 pounds.  I honestly thought I may have gained a half of pound or something.  Now I just need to lose another 4.25 pounds to get where I was several weeks ago and then really continue to lose.  A dear friend left a comment stating that maintain in the same 5-10 lb window isn’t a bad thing that I should consider it practicing for life.  My goodness she is such a blessing to me with her wisdom and support.  I adore her.  I understand the concept of what she is saying but part of me is saying that is such a nice excuse.  I really need to concentrate more of losing.  I have made a promise to myself of what I would like to weigh on the day of the wedding, which is in five months, and all I need to lose is another 20 pounds, so doable, so why am I not doing it?  Such a good question, and truthfully I am not one of those procrastinators neither.  I am the type to plan and execute of usually whatever needs to be done, but why not this?  Too much work?  Too much planning?  What are my excuses?  I should have none

I am looking forward to this weekend.  On Sunday I am going with my son to the outlets, just him and I.  This is part of his mother’s day gift to me that we spend the day together.  I just love it; we have been doing this for the last five years.  I might as well take full advantage of it because once he is married and has children; he will not have time for this anymore.

Well I need to get moving back again with my reports.

Still need to answer some of my own questions though.

Until later……………..

Crazy day but staying focused

Ok I promised myself I would write something today.

Might not be much but it is still something.

As for yesterday, I really think I did pretty well.  I watch what I was eating, I really didn’t journal my food, but in my head I think I may have been around 1500 to 1600 in calories.

Also too last night I got my hair done, which it needed desperately.   And of course, what woman doesn’t feel better about themselves, especially when the hair is looking mighty nice.

So far with today, I am trying to stay on track.  Breakfast and lunch is on target.  I am even getting the water in as did before.  Just going a bit crazy right now with work.  Seems everyone just wants a piece of me.  Whew, believe me I can’t wait until it is four o’clock, which is the time to go home.

One thing I am looking forward to is that I am meeting a dear friend after work for a drink.   I already know that I am staying away from my usual amaretto and will order vodka and cranberry.   I still can’t get used to gin and tonic, which many say is very low calorie.  Maybe someday I will get there.

Ok need to run, again.

Until later…………………

Need to get back to reality again

So much has happened that I can’t even remember it all.  But out of it all, I have been playing with the same 5 to 10 pounds over and over again.  This has to stop.   Also too being away so long, well that too has to stop.  Why is it so easy to fall back into such bad habits?  This all has to end and will end now.

I have placed myself to the bottom of the list and I do not like it one bit being there.  Here we are five months into the year and I still haven’t started any type of exercise.  I need to get back to reality.  Too much time has slipped by and I can’t get it back.  I need to grasp the moment now and do something.  It is now five months until the wedding and only a bit over a month until my daughter’s wedding shower.  A lot has been done but still need to finish up a lot.  I need to plan better with everything.  I have been dishing out too many excuses, why?  To justify my needs or is it my wants?  All of this is probably not making too much sense right now.  I really need to get my mojo back.

I am making a promise to myself to be back again tomorrow.  It has always helped me. 

Until later………….

Stop Dreaming

Again, another holiday upon us again.  I just wish the weather was more cooperative with the holiday.  Hopefully it will be nice on Easter Sunday.  Looks like hubby and I will be home together alone.  Unfortunately the kids will not be coming over.  I still will be making dinner but I will be keeping it simple.  Just making some ham, baked potatoes and a vegetable.  Will start it off with a nice salad.  That will be enough for us. 

As for my eating, well I feel I have done well except for last weekend.  Like the old saying goes either feast or famine and last weekend was a feast.  Hubby and I attended a wedding, and then the kids came over to celebrate my birthday and then on Sunday headed over to my sister’s house for a demonstration.  And of course there was plenty of food around, many snacks and many drinks.  Truthfully I am looking forward to a peaceful and quiet weekend.

Yesterday was very tiring, just as I was getting off the train I received a phone call from the nursing home my Pop is in.  Seems his blood pressure was very low so they had him transported to the hospital.  So there I was sitting in the ER room for many hours.  He seems to be better which I am thankful for.

One thing that I noticed from last week.  Especially the next day after the wedding.  I was sore, meaning my legs, but as the day wore on it seemed that my legs were a bit stronger?  This is showing me that I need to exercise more to gain strength but yet I failed to do it.  Why am I so lazy when it comes to exercising?  Sometimes I wish I had a secret pal standing right next to me telling me to get up and just do it.  I continually read this woman’s blog (which I may add is absolutely amazing and so inspiring) and how she would just do 30 seconds of walking, which may I add was excruciating for her.  And WOW you should see her today.  Even as I write this I am telling myself just 30 seconds, that is all you need to do, but I don’t.  This is one area that I am so weak in. 

Also there is this other woman who seems to have turned her life around, she exercises almost every day.  She just recently wrote how the numbers from her blood test came back better than ever.  This only proves how exercising improves your health.  So why don’t I get started?

I keep saying I am going to do something but don’t. 

I need to stop dreaming and make it a reality.

Until later…………